♦==♦TODays numero uno issue: I have a lot to say
Okay is it just me or does it seem like when you work hard for something or (try too hard is a better way to put it), you just dont get it. ANd when you dont try or fall back a little bit, you get it. Thats crazy. But yeah let me explain. I mean like when i really like a dude, ill call him, ill want to see him. ill write poetry about him ill bless him with the privilege of being mentioned in my memoirs (aka the diary for the people who dont know LMAO...i know its kinda juvenile but thats how i vent the more personal stuff that i dont tell erbody and their mamas brother LOL(i made that up myself)). Anyway as i was saying, ill ask him questions and try to get into his head. Ill wanna have long drawn out conversations that have no end in sight. LOL ill just want him basically. and sometimes i try too hard i guess. I dont let it go with the flow and happen naturally.
Now when i dont try that much and i fall back, dudes respond to that. THey call me and wanna see me and wanna get all in my head. maybe even bless me with the privilege of writing a poem or a rap about me. THey will wanna have long drawn out conversations with no end in sight. I mean its the exact opposite. I guess it is true that you have to let him miss you every once in a while. dont be so quick to answer when he calls, let it ring a bit...dont be so quick to call him, let him sweat a lil bit...you get my point. Which one is better? Being all on his jock or letting him chase me, so to speak? I dont know but ive done a lil of both in my day. It doesnt seem like either one of them is more effective than the other. I just wish i knew. But yeah. On to another thing thats been getting to me. Is it love when you think about that person constantly? You cant stop even when you try? You cry when you cant talk because it actually kills you inside. It hurts. You take things too seriously like if they dont call you for a few days you jump to ridiculous conclusions but then you realize that all your assumptions are stupid and empty. Is it love when you dream about them wake up thinking bout them? go to sleep thinkin about them? Is it love when you just simply go through your routine aimlessly and stay in your own world all day because your thoughts are consumed not entirely but almost completely with him and you cant wait til he calls and you can talk to him almost infinitely? I mean what is it that stops you in your tracks when you are doing something that takes the uttmost concentration? What else do you call that but love? I mean its ridiculous how much i care about you. You know who you are. you mean so much to me and i just dont know what i would do if you were not in my life. I mean you make me feel so good and you make me feel so many different things that i cant even explain. You are the best man i have ever known and you are nice, sweet, considerate, cute, caring, thoughtful, compassionate. And so much more. there are so many days, not unlike today that i just long for your touch, to see your smile, to feel your arms wrapped around me and never wanna let go. i long for your love. i long for you i want you so bad its crazy. i really do need you in my life believe it or not and i really think you are the one for me. I really wanna see you and hang out but i dont know when or if that will happen. I love you just the same whatever happens and i always will. I love you I love you I love you. I just cant say it enough.
♥+♥+♥+TODays numero dos issue: Who is ASJ (things that describe me: for those of you who dont know, you better ask somebody LOL )
** 1: I am Amber Sheree always and forever. Nobody can change that.
++2: i am crazy/silly however you wanna call it, thats who i am. I laugh at stupid things. I use silly phrases. I am just a jolly pretty much goofy person.
^^3: i am very shy. At times i may try to hide it but sometimes it gets the best of me. I am especially shy when i dont know you cause i dont trust everybody.
==4:I am very quiet. I dont like loud people like that. I mean sometimes i am loud but mostly im quiet and thats how you know im in deep thought or im just not feeling very sociable.
--5: Im every emotional. Things get to me. even though i try not to let that happen. Im too sensitive. But recently i have been workin on that, im tryin to grow a thicker skin as they say. i mean cause people are gonna say things that hurt or that you dont like so you have to live and learn to let it go over your head cause it aint worth startin no drama.
]}6: Im so honest. If i dont like something, it might take me a while to tell you but i will. Sometimes if it irks me bad enough ill tell you right then and there. But for the most part i have recently learned to say what i think and im learning not to care what others think because all that matters is that i have beliefs and that im strong enough to stick with them.
++7: i hate when people use profanity incessantly. It irks me because its like they have such a limited vocabulary that they cant think of anything else to say. it also shows their ignorance and their disrespect for the people around them, especially elders. I mean at times you get mad and you have to curse or certain occasions just call for it. i can understand that. but not like every minute of every day. thats just ridiculous.
''8: i dont like vegetables that much. I try to eat them occasionally. only when my mama complains....LOL im just a junk food person i guess.
.> 9: Piggybacking off the last one, I loveeeee junk food. Its ridiculous how much i pig out. I love sweets especially chocolate. I love candy. I love juice. I love oodles. I just love good food that aint good for you basically. If you got good food thats where im at. (emphasis is on good food, im not staying anywhere wheres theres nasty food; that dont work for me... LOL)
=10: I love writing as you can tell and you probably already know that if you know me. its an escape from this crazy unpredictable thing called life.I could write for days. You probably couldnt read it all but hey i guess im just very long-winded. I love to write poetry and stories mainly but i write about what happens in my life too ( mainly in blogs and on my diary). But when it comes to writing a paper for class, unless its interesting i procrastinate to the nth degree. LOL I just cant bring myself to get motivated to write if im not feelin it.
))11: Okay now here it is. As crazy as it may sound....i love school. Well for the most part. ANd heres why. College has taught me alot about myself, other people and the world we live in. It has also made me grow up and become more independent. It has also made me a better person. But it has also made me hate studying and doing work. I think i learn the most from the experience, not doing the work thats why i say that. I mean yes i do learn alot from doing the work but what im sayin is that doing that work doesnt teach me the life lessons that living here on campus does. They are two completely different things: living here and going to school here.
>>12: Im an only child. well if you know me you know that. But yeah in some ways that has hurt me . But in other ways it has helped. For example i didnt have anyone else to interact or grow up with so of course naturally i learned to entertain myself and be okay with being alone alot, ( negative)(thats why im probably shy and to myself so much today). and for instance, it has helped because it made me rely on myself and i had a closer relationship and more love and attention from my parents and family because it was just me. ( positive) but yeah somedays i love it and other days i dont because since its just me there is more focus on me so that is not always a good thing.
$$13: I love music. ANyone who has known me for any length of time knows that. It is my escape. It keeps me sane. in fact im listening to it right now on my ipod (which stays attached to me; listenin to usher: whats your name if anybody wanted to know ....LMAO). I love to hear the new stuff first. But the old stuff is cool too. Because oldies are the ones that are classics. They are timeless. and some newbies are already classics to me. I just love it. it makes me happy when im sad. its there when noone else is or wants to listen to me vent. Its there always. its makes me dance, it makes me feel good. it makes me feel sexy. it expresses the words and thoughts i sometimes cant. It is what it is. what more can i say?
>>14: I love money. i mean who doesnt? i wish i had some when i dont. i love when i have it so i try to save it. I know ill make it when i finally graduate in about two years.LOL i mean it gives you the essentials and some things that you dont even need. i mean it cant buy everything, (like intangible things like love) but it helps. especially in this economy.
~~15: i love to think. it is yet another escape for me it keeps me sane. sometimes it makes me insane. i can think what i want without no regrets or criticisms. i can say what i cant say out loud. i can envision things, people and places. i can be happy. i can be sad. i can be mad. i can express thoughts or keep them to myself. (more often than not i say what i think). I can go into my own lil world when noone else seems to care. I can just be at peace.
^/16: More importantly i love to talk and express my thoughts. sometimes i talk too much sometimes not enough. Sometimes i talk when i shouldnt and vice versa. Sometimes i talk to who i love. sometimes i dont. I love to conversate though especially if you are willing to listen. thats the key. i hate talkin when people arent even listening to what im saying that irks my soul.
<>17: I love to sing. in the shower. walking along the street. laying on my bed wherever. i think im good. some people may think otherwise but who cares. sometimes a song is that good that it compels you to do so.
=-=18: i love to smile. because i have a pretty one. if you can make me do that you are cool with me. point blank. well that is if you make me smile for the right reasons. and if you are on my level. LOL
*-+19: i love to laugh. if you got a good joke feel free to tell me. i love laughing. it something about it thats so refreshing and its good for your soul.
&^+20: I love to read. you can learn so much just by doing so. you can also gain insight into other cultures and worlds. and you can also be entertained and helped. thats what i love about books. there are so many kinds and they all serve a purpose. i dont like all of them but hey they were written for a reason and theres bound to be one person that will read it right?
**+21: I like shopping. well when i can buy something i like that is. theres no point in shopping if you cant buy it. thats like showin a kid candy and sayin that they cant have it.
*)=22: i love dancing it gets you moving. even when there is no music...you can make your own. you can express yourself without limitations. you can dance slow you can dance fast. you can dance with some rhythm or without it ( LOL for real some people do this on the daily). But yeah its a good thing.
$=23: i love sleeping. i mean thats the best thing to be able to sleep late. it feels so good and so refreshing. (well most of the time LOL) i hate when i have to miss out on sleep. i hate getting up whether i get enough sleep or not. im a night person so thats why i hate mornings. mornings and me dont get along. LOL for real.
*))24: im a neat freak everything has its place. if its not there i get heated. im just very organized and that has alot to do with me being a virgo. (Sep 20 for those of you who dont know) i am a perfectionist and very analytical. i over think everything. and i overorganize everything. dont get me wrong it can be a good thing, but it can also work against me.
!! 25: I love learning new things. i mean the more i know i can become a better person. i can adapt and regroup. so if i dont know something that i should and you know it, please feel free to enlighten me but dont over do it....i hate that. everyday i learn things i never knew and its great. its true what they say, you are never too old to learn and learning doesnt stop when you graduate school or leave the classroom. and you dont even need a book, a classroom or school to learn some of the most important things. school cant teach you everything. somethings you have to learn on your own. life is the best teacher.
_+_26: I hate when people expect me to know things and they dont say it. i mean im not a mind reader. come on. you gotta help me out.
$~$ 27: i hate when people lie. i mean if you have something to say say it. i might not like it but ill respect you for it .
^>28: i hate when people act fake, like i said its not a becoming trait. just be yourself and if you like me you like me if you dont, its not the end of the world, no sweat off my back. save me the waste of time and nrg and let me know what the situation is.
$)29: i hate two faced people which is basically the same thing as the last one but basically dont act like you like me one day and then turn around and hate on me the next. be consistent. if you hate me do that if you like me okay. just do what it is you do.
^<>30: i hate when people act like im supposed to be just like them or like everything they like. i mean im me and we werent destined tobe the same when god made us. thats just how it is. and its also because im a product of my environment. i cant help that. and im definitely not gon force myself to conform to your narrow or naive mindset. it is what it is.
__+_31: i hate when people use me. i mean i know i have alot to offer but at least express that and respect me enough not to take advantage of that. because you are just making it worse for the next person. i mean really.
**^32: i hate when people try to change me. now i know this is similar to a previous one but i was saying something a lil bit different in that one. what im saying in this one is that i hate when people cant accept me for who i am so they try to change me to fit their needs instead of growing and adapting to be friends with me. i dont like that at all.
**33: i hate people who are disrespectful in general. i mean it just irks my soul. its just stupid. to get respect you gotta give it and if you arent how can you respect it in return? thats just common sense. treat others how you want to be treated.
>>34: i hate when i look nice and dudes try to talk to me. but when i look a mess ( not like totally tore up but you know what i mean LMAO) i dont get any play. thats just stupid. im the same person and if you dont like me now just because of that, then thats petty. i dont get it but i guess thats just the dudes i been dealing with (NOT ALL OF THEM), but most of them) that are superficial like that. I also hate that some dudes want you to look like a model all the time and they expect you to be all pretty but sweetie, some of us dont have an income like that, we're broke college students. i mean for real what do you expect? for real.....if you cant take me as i am then kick rocks!!!
*^*35: i hate that people dont get me. but then again i guess they are just not on my level and there are only a select few that do and those are the people worth keeping around...
^*^36: im a very independent person with few friends and numerous acquaintances. i mean guess life experience has made things turn out that way. cause everyone doesnt have the best intentions and they arent to be trusted. (you dont know who you can trust in this life)so therefore, i have way more acquaintances than friends. there are only a select few that i call my friends. because they are there for me. they remember my bday. they remember me. they acknowledge my presence. they care about how im doing. and i appreciate it very much. i try to do the same for them because i appreciate it. acquaintances are just there to hang out when noone else is...occasional study partner....or just to say hi and bye to....nothing too deep dont know much about them...just see them when you do...you know what i mean?
note: i cant think of any more things i hate so back to the loves/likes
==37: i love to waste time. i mean who doesnt? i should be doing something right now but im not. its so much better than doing what you should be doing but sometimes that gets you in trouble. especially since im in college procrastinating can make or break you. LOL really.
**38: I love my family. they are always there for me. they support me they love me back. they care when noone else does. they remember me. they acknowledge me always. there are some members who are not here anymore but they will never be forgotten. i love all of them...no matter how they act/acted. they keep me going. they are who i count on. and hopefully i do the same for them.
$}39: im stubborn and i know it. i just dont budge. it takes a lot for me to admit im wrong so you know you are lucky or blessed when that happens.
^^40: im somewhat religious. i pray and i read the good book (the bible for those of you who dont know). it keeps me sane. it gives me strength. it gives me peace, faith, courage and so much more. my faith does all these things. i believe that god is real that he does things for a reason and there is always a lesson to be learned. if you learn god will reward you for it. if you dont learn, god will put you through things until you learn from your mistakes and repent. i havent always relied on my faith this much. but it seems like since i started school i have because school is no joke and you need god to get you through the tough times and the good times and thats what he has done. i love him. he does what humans cant understand. he does great things and when noone else understands or cares i know he is there for me. friends like my homie d have inspired my faith as well.
**41: i believe that everything happens for a reason. things happen so that you can learn from them and avoid that situation or better yourself. you should never be complacent you should always grow. so dont fall for the same lie twice. be vigilant and cognizant of everything. realize whats goin on and observe your surroundings.
+{}42: i believe in love and that i have a soulmate out there somewhere but then again i dont know. i mean i never had a real Real love. i had what i thought was love. i had love but i mean i never had that person who would do whatever, whenever, however, you know that person who is just down for you and will sacrifice to help you, to be with you, because they love you. that long term still love each other maybe even grew up together been through so much crap and good things together, that person thats your best friend and your man and your lover, your protector, your everything. I have love in my life right now no doubt but will he do all these things? im not sure yet. hes pretty close to this description but i dont know. would he do all this and more? maybe i should ask and find out. the point is i believe but i dont know if i should. i dont know if im fooling myself or if im right.
[]43: i just love life. i love the ups and downs despite the turmoil and negative emotions. i love what it offers what i have learned. i love who i have met. what i have seen. what i have heard for the most part. i love it all. its good. and i thank god for all that he has blessed me with.
&&44: i love being happy. thats why i hate when im anything but happy. it irks me when i cant be happy. my problem or the source of my problem is that i look outward for happiness when it really comes from within primarily. you have to have a positive outlook and be optimistic you have to love yourself and be happy with who you are first, if you are not then you have some work to do, to make adjustments and cultivate a better you. you have to do that first and then and only then will you be truly happy.
^^45: sometimes i just wanna get away. i wanna go far away. with that one i love or just by myself. i wanna travel. see the world. go to a place thats not so familiar. i wanna try different things. i wanna grow. i wanna evolve. become better. i just wanna do so much. its hard to say all of it. like i really wanna go down south and see how it is. it seems like a fl y place to be. everybody down there seems like mad cool. mad fun. they have a different outlook and sometimes you need that cause your outlook might be a lil stale. you know? also i wanna go to cali. it seems really nice there. it seems cool as well but not a good place to live...too many earthquakes for me. LOL uh uh i like consistently level ground.i wanna go to france i mean i might as well get my moneys worth out of french i mean i did take two semesters of it. LOL i wanna go to italy it seem so romantic places like that always do.
--46: i wanna meet someone famous. i just hope they are who i thought they were i hate that. dont have this fake persona (that i may like despite the fact its fake) and then when i meet you you are totally dull or boring. LOL i hope any celebrity i meet is real. I would really like to meet someone like chris brown he is so sexy!! LOL or somebody like taye diggs.. he is just the epitome of chocolate and so is morris chestnut...let me stop.. LOL but yeah one of those types. thats who i wanna meet. i admire their work among many others whom if i listed all those names this entry would never end.. LOL
==47: i wanna be free. i wanna dance and act crazy. i wanna party hard. i wanna get my dL (i mean i should have been had it but i have been using so many excuses to avoid it....i mean thats like the key to real freedom LOL), i wanna have my own place, my own car, i cant wait to get my degree. i wanna do me. i wanna have a man who i marry one day a man who i love. i wanna have some munchkins maybe 2 or 3 to leave as my legacy LOL. i wanna just have a wonderful life. it doesnt have to be all fancy and glamorous but i do want a few sparkles in it. LOL
""48: i love watching tv. but it can be the college students down fall. they have some good stuff on tv. i mean give me a tv with at least directtv and ill be good all day. LOL i love tv...
++49: i love being on my laptop which is yet another downfall for us college students.(im on it right now as i type this.>> LOL) but i mean what would i do without that and my ipod which im also listening to right now....i mean they keep me sane.... LOL what can i say? it is what it is...
--50: Finally i know yall like damn this is alot but there might be a part two (with another 50 things on it...i think i like doing this i might start doing this on the regular) I love movies. comedies, romance, scary movies (which i might watch even though im not the biggest fan of halloween i mean after all it is the red mans bday>> LOL), i like action movies too. and movies that have alil bit of everything. they complete life dont you think? they give you hope that things like that can or maybe may never happen (depending on the situation) in your lifetime.
Anyway thanks yall for reading and bearing with me.. feel free to add feedback.....like i said i might do this again soon it might be more about me or about other stuff thats random. you never know so wait and see.
