P.P./Randoms(time for another one LOL)

Now, i havent done one of these in a while. But the way things are going, its time to get back up on my soapbox again. LOL Let's get to it.

1) Im so tired of having meaningless, pointless conversations. What happened to the days when people could hold an intriguing, interesting and intelligent conversation that kept my interest? Like i said before, these days, i might as well talk to myself. Shoot, the convo sure would be better. It seems like people DONT want to talk anymore or they dont know HOW to. I dont know which one it is, but its getting old real fast.

2) Im tired of having my guard up, and anticipating when a man is gonna hurt me b/c i know he will. Now that doesnt mean that all men will, however from my experiences, thats all i gather. I guess i just have to pray about it and trust that the next man wont, if hes the right one. Its like a friend of mine said, i wanna get close to the ones who do me wrong, but i push away the ones who actually care about me. I believe its time to just let the cards fall where they may so to speak. Being stubborn and heartless doesnt do anybody any good and if i continue to act that way, nobody will even try to talk to me ( :-( )

3) Im tired of being bored. But hopefully i wont be for long.

4)Im tired of being home. Theres absolutely nothing to do here.

5)Im tired of wasting time on people who arent worth my time.

6)Cant wait to start work. I have got to get out of this house.

7) I am so ready to get my license. Ill be even happier when i get my own car though LOL.

8) Im sittin here waitin for Tyler Perry's shows to come on....nothing good has been on all day...in fact i dont even like half of the crap on tv...tv is so stupid lately. They would make a show about pigs flying if they could. Seriously.

9) I need some excitement...maybe when i turn 21 something fun will happen. As long as im home it seems like life, well at the least the fun part is on hold...:-(

10) Well im even more bored than i was before i started, so its time to go do somethin. Hmm maybe ill be back with a poem later. who knows? might get some inspiration.. LOL. Well see yall later for now....Peace, Joy and Love

updatE....

Life is goin great. Im so blessed and it's about time i realize it. I just got my learner's permit today. So hopefully by the end of this summer i'll have my license and yet another skill under my belt. I also got rehired at my old job today. I start next week. So the boredom spell is over for now. But sooner or later i know ill start getting tired of having somewhere to be. LOL. So june will consist of work, julyand most of august will consist of micro lab and work and then last not but least, i still have the daunting task of preparing for Jr YR. LOL. So i cant say that im bored anymore. I have a lot to occupy my time.

Anyway in other news, I have been a little fed up lately. People are so inconsistent. If you are gonna add me talk and be able to hold a decent conversation. I mean theres no point in having you take up space on my friends list if we dont even talk. Then there are others who do talk; however their vocabulary is limited and what they do say is incoherent. LOL. Well maybe i expect too much. But having high standards is not a bad thing. Otherwise you get trash. And i believe you get what you ask for. So i would rather do myself a favor and expect quality rather than trash. So therefore, i do have to be picky and analyze you to see what you are all about(men). But anyway, im still gonna do me regardless of what happens, b/c im the only one left in the end. So im gonna be self sufficient b/c god knows if you want something done right you better do it yourself. And if i dont do things for myself who will? LOL. It just seems like love always starts off nice and then ends in heartbreak for me. Thats why i feel as though i should just stay to myself. I mean is there even a point in believing in love anymore, it sure doesnt seem like it.

On a positive note, im continuing to grow so much. These days i almost scare myself with how truthful i am with people. I can be harsh. And i know it, but thats just me. besides what good does sugarcoating do anybody? Also for some reason people believe they can confide in me. And to tell the truth they are right. Because i tell the truth and im reliable. Im always there for my friends too. I never realized how wise i can be when im helping somebody else out, but when it comes to myself, i rarely listen to that same advice. I need to start practicing what i preach though. Everyday i learn something new and i need to try to use it to my advantage.

There are other things i wanna talk about but i just dont know how to put my thoughts into words on those particular topics or maybe i just dont want to go back to that place. However i will say that i never thought things would turn out the way they did. But i did grow immensely b/c of the outcome. I do wish that me and a certain person still talked. What can i do though? Its up to them. They have to take that first step. But yeah, thats about all i can think of...i know i have said this alot but its the truth. Well thats about it for today. See yall nxt wk. Peace, Joy, and Love

Realism(shoulda posted this months ago LOL wrote it in FEB)

You know you kill me.

Talking about wanting a girl who’s the epitome of perfection.

But yet you fail to stop and take a look at your own flawed reflection.

You know I hate it .

When you try to change me.

Whatever I do isn’t good enough.

But I know I’m not to blame.

I’m not the one playing games.

Last time I checked you were the one pursuing a new girl every chance you got.

Just itchin and scratchin to find a broad to put in my spot.

But you know what, go head with your new broad.

I wish yall the best.

For her sake I hope she can endure your rigorous test.

Because the truth is it’s not about me.

It’s about all the problems you have that you fail to see.

But instead of dealing, you critique me like I’m the worst person you’ll ever meet.

Instead of tryna imply that I’m the reason why, and constantly making me wanna cry,

You need to look at yourself.

It would be wise, it’s for your own health.

Trust me I’m one of the best to cross your path.

You should have enjoyed it while it lasted.

But you probably won’t realize that til I’m long gone and with the next man who thinks I’m number one.

You never bring me up anymore, all you do is bring me down.

It’s like you live to see me with my head hanging down.

I tried to comply, But you wouldn’t even try.

You did what you always do, telling me lies.

I’m done now, I’m looking for the guy who can intrigue and surprise and light up my life like the stars in the sky.

The one who doesn’t mind compromise and will brighten up my day like the morning sunrise.

It’s too late now, but maybe next time you’ll learn.

That love isn’t just given, it’s something you have to earn.

Listen up Fellas

I dont know how you think i was raised.
Or if you think by spitting your lines ill be fazed.

But whatever your distorted mentality tells you, it has got to be wrong.
Your ways are weak, but im strong.


If you think ill sit around and wait till you have found a good enough reason to be in my life.
You must be sadly mistaken if you think i would even contemplate being your wife.

With your overused logic.
And your selfish motives.

All you want is one thing.
And it does not come free.

You see im not talking about something that has monetary value.
What i possess is far more valuable than some currency.

It is meant for the one who truly loves me.
Not the one who thinks nothin of me.

Its meant for the one who sees right through my soul.
Not the one who seeks control.

Its meant for the one who loves my personality.
Not for the one who just wants to get inside of me.

Im not the one.
Move on to the next chick.

I have more respect for myself than she ever will.
And if what you desire is a girl with no dignity or self esteem, then you best look elsewhere.

I know that what you want to do would displease god.
But im all about pleasing god.

I know im worth more than one night or just a hit and quit.
Im the girl you take home to your mama and settle down wit.

So fellas dont get it twisted.
When you try to step to me.

If you come correct.
Maybe you'll see some reciprocity.

Recap/UPDate

>> Recap of my first two years; Looking forward to the next two and beyond:

Well here I am at the end of my first two years of college. I can’t say that it was anything like I thought it would be. However, it sure wasn’t a disappointment. I have met so many amazing and diverse people. I have grown and matured so much. I have learned a lot too. One of the first things I learned was the skill of time management. Without that, I don’t think I would have survived these first two years. I also learned how to prioritize, which helped me get the most important things done first. I learned how to be organized and stay focused, which was one of the hardest things to do, believe me. I learned to be assertive and go after what I wanted. I learned how to be honest with myself and others. I learned how to work hard and not give up, even when I felt like there was no end in sight and the road ahead was dark. I learned how to trust in god and believe that he would guide me in the right direction and be with me through all my trials and tribulations. I learned how to be a friend in order to have a friend. I learned how to have fun and let loose a little bit. I learned how to be happy on my own. I learned how to be independent and strong, in order to do things for myself. I learned the importance of getting things done early, in order to avoid the consequences of not being punctual. I learned to be myself and trust that the right people would appreciate that, and that the people who didn’t like me didn’t matter. I learned to see things for what they are and not let small petty things faze me. I learned that sometimes in life you fall down, but if you get back up again, you aren’t a failure. The only way you can be a failure is if you don’t get back up. I also learned that nothing worth having comes easy, anything worth having takes hard work and determination. It has been such a fulfilling and exciting experience and im sure the 2 years I have left will be no different. Sure when finals week came up and all throughout the semester, my classes were very difficult and they tested my strength and my willpower, and they stressed me out more than I ever thought possible. But in the end, I know all that stress, and sleep deprivation, studying, and endless deadlines will be worth it. I also know that I will come out as a better person because of it.

++The next two years:
In the next two years, I hope that I will learn even more things. I hope that I will become even more mature. I hope that I will learn from my mistakes and realize that they aren’t set-backs, they are stepping stones to the future. I hope I will stay focused and continue to work hard to achieve my goals and strive to excel in all my classes. Also I hope that no matter what obstacles are placed in my way, I will overcome them. So, by the grace of god, all these things will come to fruition. I still can’t believe that I will be a junior in September. Those two years went by in a flash. I guess you don’t realize how fast things are going when you’re busy trying to pass your classes. I have met some amazing people who I consider friends and I hope we will still keep in touch after college. I have also taken some amazing classes and some not so amazing ones, but nonetheless, I will never forget all that I have been through.

+++++++++++++++UPdate++++++++++++++++++++

I’m back! LOL. I know I’ve been gone for a while. But yeah school has been hectic and very stressful. But I got through sophomore year and I’m proud of myself. I accomplished a lot this year too. I’m finally recovering. LOL. Im so tired and drained. But the upside is I only have 2 more years left. I have grown up so much and learned even more.
I have been thinking a lot lately. I have been thinking about love and life and where exactly they match up. For example, can you have a life without being in love, or vice versa? God made me see that he has all the love that I need. As long as I have his love, ill be okay. He also made me realize that in due time, when he sees fit, he’ll bless me with the right person that was made just for me and nobody else. Maybe the truth is that without love in your heart for something, there truly is no life. They go hand in hand. Like Jaz Sullivan says, “I can’t see a life without love”. And that’s true. So from here on out, I’m going to have love in my heart and live life to the fullest, doing what I love and I’m going to do my best to please God. I know there may be many obstacles in my way and there may be many things that I do that don’t please god, but I know in the end, if I ask for forgiveness and acknowledge that I was wrong, everything will be okay.

I have also been thinking about how strong you can be when the circumstances call for it. For example, there were a lot of times when I wanted to fall out from sheer exhaustion but because I saw the future, which has so many possibilities and so much to enjoy, I didn’t. I got back up again. But I wasn’t alone, I had God on my side; telling me that I was meant for a greater purpose and that I need to fulfill it. He also told me that whenever the path looks dark, he’ll be there to light the way. That and many other scriptures from the good book, gave me the strength to keep going. And because I didn’t lie down in the face of adversity, today I am a better person.

Another thing running through my mind is the fact that this year has been stressful. But as much as I want to lie down and do nothing, I’m going to be productive this summer. Just as I was productive this semester. I was in a poetry café, I performed twice;I did a solo and a group performance. I met a lot of interesting people. I did fun things. I learned a lot about myself and others. It was just a really good year. So this summer, I plan to learn how to drive(yeah I know what you’re thinking dag, she doesn’t have her license, but to yall I say, you try going to nursing school, when you’re in nursing school, all other desires must be put to the side LOL) , I plan to work and get this money together for books for next semester and splurge on me, and I plan to take a class, unfortunately :-(. Then, finally above all, I plan to grow even more and become a better person mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. The next two years are going to require some maturity, some will power, and hard work, so I better brace myself LOL.

Well as you can see, I have been through a lot, but it has truly helped me change for the better. Well I can’t think of nothing else to say. So I’m gone till next week, see yall :-). Peace, Joy and Love.