NYRS and my year in review ;-)

Well every year brings something new and teaches you something new. After a while they all seem to blend together but in actuality, every year i emerge stronger, more intelligent, more confident and more mature. I also manage to accomplish a few big things if not all of my goals.

>>What i did accomplish:

1) I spoke my mind more.
2) I made some new friends.
3)I learned to appreciate different types of people
4)I learned a new language.
5)I finished almost 2 years of nursing school and kept my grades up.
6)I learned to be more independent.
7)I became a little more confident.
8)I learned more about life.
9)I learned to work hard to get what i want.
10)I learned alot about relationships.

More but once again...dont wanna write a novel. LOL

++Well this year i have quite a few resolutions. Here they are.

1)To love myself first and never let anybody compromise who i am.
2)To do everything big. If im going to do something in '09 im going to make the most of it and try my hardest to succeed at it. (Work hard and finish sophomore year)
3)To get to know myself better and be a better person.(If i ever intend to find love in the future i definitely have to know myself first.)
4)To shed some weight.
5)To appreciate my fam and friends and spend more time with the people i know and love.
6)To get out more and have more fun.
7)To pray more and read the good book, if i dont make it to church. LOL
8)To stop being so critical and analytical about little things and move on with life.(at least where its not needed)
9)To get my driver's license(I know im too old not to have it right? whatever....LOL)
10)Just take time to chill out and take care of me...LOL

Well thats all i can think of...If i could even accomplish half of this i would be happy..LOL. I just hope '09 will be even bigger and better than this year and something tells me it will be, if i have anything to say about it!!! ;-) HAppy New Year YALL, be blessed and work hard to accomplish whatever you set out to do this year. New year better you!!! ;-) Peace, Joy, and LOve

P.P.O.T.W.(aka stuff i hate LOL)

Okay havent done one of these in a while. But i think the current circumstances call for it. Here we go.

1) Dont you hate when you give your all to somebody, yet they just ignore you. Then when you finally give up they "want" you. However they do nothing to show it? It really hurts and i dont know what to do. But i guess i'll just have to wait a million years for a certain person to realize how great i am or just forget him. Id rather do the former because for some reason i just cant forget him. Oh well we'll see what '09 brings.

2)I hate when it seems like a man only wants me for sex. I mean its flattering and all. But i just wish somebody would like me for my physical attributes as well as what im bringing to the table mentally. I always thought i would find or had found "the one" but im really starting to believe that there is no "one". I guess the one is whoever you love at the time and the feeling is mutual. I guess the one is also somebody who you feel is worthy of your goods. Its time to stop waiting for a perfect man and just take the next nice one. (im not sayin settle or take a mediocre one, but at least be realistic)

3) I hate when a man cant tell me the truth. I know i have said this before. But i mean if you cant keep it 100 with me, then what else is there to the relationship? every relationship should be built on trust. I might be mad but at least i'll know.

4)I hate when i get ignored. I mean if you dont care anymore or you never did, just let me know. I know i said something to this effect before but i think it needed to be said again. First off its rude. Second, you wouldnt want anyone to do it to you.

5)I hate being bored. Its like i have tons of stuff to do. But sometimes none of that seems fun. Its seems like ive done everything sometimes. LOL it drives me crazy when i cant find something to occupy myself. Thats when i start doing stupid random stuff LOL.

6)I hate when you are trying to relax, but the people in your house(in this case, mom and pop dukes LOL) will not stop calling you. Thats when i say ok i love ya but please just let me be. Thats when i say dang when does school start. Its times like that when i really wouldnt mind being back at school. LOL

7) I hate when mom or pop dukes invade my space. Once again this brings the thought to mind, when do i graduate and how soon can i afford my own place so i can officially be ms. independent LOL. Its like they dont want me to have no peace.

8) I hate when people, namely mom and pop dukes still act like im such a youngin. But thats when i say to myself, okay didnt i just finish almost 2 years of college and havent i basically lived on my own all that time? LOL. I guess i wont truly be grown til 25 as they say. when i can pay my own way. In reality i dont want to be old. But at the same time, you get more freedom and sometimes more respect even though with age comes more responsibility. I dont really want to pay all them bills. I just wanna be able to say i can pay them and have my own life. LOL

9)I hate that school wont get any easier. And there are two more years left after this semester. I can already tell im gonna hate it so im tryna make this break last as long as possible. LOL. I mean from this point on, there will be less classes than previous years, but the classes are more complex and intense, and ill have clinicals. I already told the folks that i probably wont be home and they wont hear from me for a while. Im tryna go harder this semester and pass all my classes. I want more As. But like pop dukes says, as school goes on, its harder to get as and even bs so maybe ill have to settle for some C+s. Which i despise because im a perfectionist. LOL I was mad when i got more bs than as this semester. but i still maintained an ok gpa (3.35 LOL).

10) I hate that break goes so fast. Im going to miss sleeping late. Im going to miss having nothing to do and loving it(except for the extreme boredom at times LOL). Im going to miss the really good food. (maybe ill take some back if theres any left...im greedy>> LOL)

Okay so you see where my head is. Kinda impatient, Kinda bored, Kinda happy. A lil bit of everything LMAO.Well i could write more but i cant think of anything else. Ill be back with more next wk. PS: look out for my NYRs tomorrow or NYE. See ya!!

Lyrics Im feeLIng ;-)

Heres the XMAs Edition: MErry CHRISTMas YALL!!

++Destiny's Child: Winter Paradise(LOve this song...i listen to the whole cd every year!! LOL)

this is how i feel bout x-mas,im doin a 1 time deal
Its the smell of pine
Its the x-mas lights
The feelin of god
The good o'l egg nog
Its the blessed faces
Its them happy faces
Its the family bread
Its the uvs underwaer
Its that anxiousness
Its that great homeness
Its that rumpshusness after givin' all them gifts

Chorus:
Oh loving and laughing and sharing this winter paradise (2 times)

What this x-mas means to me: spending my time wit my family
Knowing it the season for giving
Running down stairs for moms to keep
Sending x-mas love to the ones u know
Kissin' y'o man under the misoetoe
Spreding love to everyone
And thanking god for the birth of his son

Chorus:
Oh loving and laughing and sharing this winter paradise (2 times)

Snowing and its cold outside
Raping gifts by the fireside
My family is here
X-mas day is near
Its a very special time of the year
A blessed time
A joyous time
A giving time
A good feeling time
A happy time
A laughing time
Sharing this winter paradise



Chorus:
Oh loving and laughing and sharing this winter paradise (2 times)

Its yo gets you give
Its yo relative
Its yo kids in the back room
Its the home cooked food
Its the x-mas colors
The stocking stuffers
Its the impatient nights
Winter paradise


Chorus:
Oh loving and laughing and sharing this winter paradise (2 times)

Ha ha haa haa

(end)

+++++++++++++++++

** Chris Brown: This Christmas(so in love with his version, so angelic!! LOL)

Hang all the mistletoe
Im gonna get to know you better, yeah
This christmas
And as we trim the tree
How much fun its gonna be together, yeah ha
This christmas

Fireside is blazing bright
Were caroling through the night
And this christmas, will be yeah
A very special christmas, for me yeah

Presents and cards are here
My world is filled with cheer and you, ohh yeah
This christmas
And as I look around
Your eyes outshine the town, they do
This christmas
Fireside is blazing bright
Were caroling through the night

And this christmas, will be
A very special christmas, for me yeah

Alright, break it down, ha ha ha

Ooh yeah, yeah yeah, alright
Yeah yeah yeah, yeah yeah
Yeah yeah yeah yeah, yeah yeah
Alright now, right now, now

Fireside, oh, is blazing bright
Were caroling through the night, yeah
And this christmas, will be, oh
A very special christmas, for me yeah
And this christmas, will be
A very special christmas, for me oh oh

Yeah yeah yeah yeah
Merry christmas, ooh yeah
Gonna have a merry christmas, ohh yeah, oh oh
Merry christmas, oh it will be
Oh, a very very very special christmas
A very special christmas (this christmas)
Alright now, right now, yeah oh
It will be now, oh (this christmas)
Oh, this will be, this will be, baby
A very special
Have a merry merry christmas (hey yeah)
And a happy new year
Oh hey, alright, yeah yeah yeah
Merry christmas
This christmas
Oh this will be, this will be, baby


>>Toni Braxton: The Christmas Song(LOve her version!!)

Chestnuts roasting on an open fire
Jack frost nipping at your nose
Yuletide carols being sung by a choir
And folks dressed up like eskimos

Everybody knows a turkey and some mistletoe
Helps to make the season bright
Tiny tots with their eyes all aglow
Will find it hard to sleep tonight

They know that santa's on his way
And he's got lots of toys
And many goodies on his sleigh
And every mother's child is gonna spy
To see if reindeer really know how to fly

And so, i'm offering this simple phrase
To kids from one to ninety-two
Although it's been said many times, many ways
Merry christmas to you

Well those are 3 of my favorites i have so many more but yeah im trying to keep it short and sweet!! LOL See yall next week!!! Merry XMAs ;-)

PRos and ConS (read for detaiLS ;-0)

Well here it is. i been thinking about this topic alot lately so i decided to write about it. Just my thoughts, not law. Take them or leave them its up to you.

Pros: Being in a relationship

1) There is someone in your life that genuinely loves, cares for, and appreciates you for who you truly are.

2) You feel the same way about them.

3)You have someone to cuddle with LOL

4) You can tell them anything and they'll take it for what it is(wont twist your words)

5)You have alot in common

6)Both parties are pulling their weight to make it work

7)That person is your friend and your lover.

8)That person listens to you.

9) They remember the little things that make you happy.

10) You both see eye to eye on things, most of the time.

11)They are very supportive.

12)They treat you right

(more but i dont wanna write a novel LOL, feel free to add more)

Cons:Being in a relationship

1)The other person could cheat.

2) They will lie.

3)They will act distant for no apparent reason

4)You might feel unloved sometimes

5)No matter how mad you are you still love them but you dont want to get your heart broken or your feelings hurt.

6)You might not talk everyday or hang out as much as you should.

7)The person may take you for granted.

8)Yall lose the connection.

9)No matter what they do, you still care, even though you shouldnt

10)It takes alot of work and dedication to make a relationship work.

11) You may not get alot of alone time.

12)Complicates life.

(Now all of these, pros and cons can apply to you too, not just the person, as always, its a two way street!!)

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Pros: Being single

1) You can do whatever you want.

2) Dont have to worry about calling anyone.

3)You have alot of alone time.

4) You can have alot of male friends to fill the void.(strictly platonic though, not on no trick stuff LOL)

5)You feel happier sometimes because you dont have to worry about your heart getting broken.

6)Life is more simple.

7)you can just go on about your business and do you. In other words, be ms. independent (LOL)

8)Sometimes you learn more about love from being single.

9)it gives you time to grow as a person so you can be better for the next or your ex if it works out!!

10)You dont have to live up to somebody's expectations.

11)You learn to appreciate it when you do have a man. But you also learn that you dont need a man, you just want a man.

12)Sometimes life is more spontaneous.

Cons: Being single

1) It gets lonely

2)Sometimes you want a man in your life but it just doesnt work out that way.

3)Life may get boring after a while.

4) You get impatient for love.

5)You may use being single as an excuse to be evil to all mankind... LOL


6)Its not fun being alone all the time.

7)you miss your ex

8)Sometimes you want less spontaneity and more continuity and consistency, which is what a relationship USually offers.

9)You dont have anyone to cuddle with LOL

10)You need some excitement in your life.

11)Old memories flood your head.

12)You might get fat from all that comfort food LOL

Well those are my thoughts...i know funny right? But yeah there are pros and cons to everything. You have to take the good with the bad because life and love arent all roses. You have to get through the storm to see the sunshine. So i guess both are necessary. Sometimes you have more of one than you would like but thats life. You just gotta work through it and pray that god will bless you with a love that is unconditional, real, and true.

Lyrics Im feeLing ;-)

++Jazmine Sullivan: My Foolish Heart ( I love this song!!!)


Oh Oh
Oh Oh

[Verse 1:]
My foolish heart it made me fall in love with him.
I know it goes with how it's feeling.
Oh Oh Oh.
My foolish heart was broken when he left us in the cold.
Now I'm left to fix the pieces.
Oh Oh Oh.

[Chorus:]
I told you once I told you twice, the next time I won't be so nice.
You so quick to give it up, when you don't think about us. (you don't think about us)
I won't let you keep (keep) hurting me, if you gone keep causing me pain.
I won't let you keep (keep) hurting me, I'm 'bout to take you out the game.

Ah Ah Ah Ah Ah
Oh Oh
Ah Ah Ah Ah Ah
Oh Oh

[Verse 2:]
My foolish heart will jump into the deepest of the seas, even if it cannot swim.
Oh Oh Oh.
My foolish heart will trust just anyone, it's so naive.
And I'm left to save it again.
Oh Oh Oh.

[Chorus:]
I told you once I told you twice, the next time I won't be so nice.
You so quick to give it up, when you don't think about us. (you don't think about us)
I won't let you keep (keep) hurting me, if you gone keep causing me pain.
I won't let you keep (keep) hurting me, I'm 'bout to take you out the game.

Ah Ah Ah Ah Ah
Oh Oh
Ah Ah Ah Ah Ah
Oh Oh

[Bridge:]
I can't take another broken heart.
Maybe we should spend time apart.
Oh Oh Oh.
Driving me crazy, I can't take it no more.
Maybe we should spend time apart.

[Chorus: x2]
I told you once I told you twice, the next time I won't be so nice.
You so quick to give it up, when you don't think about us. (you don't think about us)
I won't let you keep (keep) hurting me, if you gone keep causing me pain.
I won't let you keep (keep) hurting me, I'm 'bout to take you out the game.

Ah Ah Ah Ah Ah
Oh Oh
Ah Ah Ah Ah Ah
Oh Oh


>> IF you leave: Musiq Ft. MJB (Classic !!)

[Verse 1: (Musiq Soulchild)]
You think
Im so full of it, full of it
But I think Im just fed up baby
You think I can be so arrogant, arrogant
But Im just tryna get keep my head up baby
You think I procrastinate baby
But I think Im taking my time
You think you need to leave
But I think I disagree but

[Chorus: (Musiq Soulchild)]
If you believe youll do best without me
Ill let it go girl, Its over
But before we say good bye
Lets give it a try
If you leave, then baby I'll leave
I'll let it go girl, Its over
But I have no doubt
We can work it out

[Verse 2: (Mary J Blige)]
Yeah
I think your so full of it, full of it
You just dont know when to let up, Baby
I think you're so arrogant, arrogant
But you think you're so much better baby
That I think It aint dealt before me to judge you by your flaws & thats why
No I could criticize, but I put that aside
To focus on you & I

[Chorus: (Mary J Blige)]
If you believe you'll do best without me
Then I'll let it go boy, Its over
But before we say goodbye
Lets give it a try
If you leave, then baby I'll leave
I'll let it go boy, its over
But I have no doubt
We can work it out
Yeah

[Bridge: (Both)]
Now if you wanna go
Baby then I'll let you go
& even though Im tryna hold on
I cant let you go

& if youre gonna leave me, youre gonna miss me
& Im not saying that Ill be here waiting

Since we here right now (instead of just walking out)
Let's work to reach the point that I know we can be ?

[Chorus: (Both)]
But if you believe, you'll do best without me
Then I guess I'll let you go
Its over (its over)
If you wanna say goodbye
Lets give it a try
If you leave, then baby I'll leave
I'll Let it go, its over
I have no doubt
That we can work it out

If you believe, you'll do best without me
I'll let it go girl, its over
Before we say goodbye
Lets give it a try
If you leave, then baby I'll leave


**J holiday: Without You ( Kinda old but still a HOT joint!!)
It's crazy how I'm seeing you
'cause I just told your little cousin the other day
I need to speak to you
girl how you doing, how you been
let's get all of that all the way
I got permission to say
I heard you had a baby on me
is that the truth?
or is the block just hating on me
and I ain't tripping if you got your self a man
girl 'cause I can change that given have a chance

[Chorus:]
first let me apologize for anything I did that made you cry
I know you don't wanna hear this song
but I promise I won't take too long
I need for you to hear the rest
at least I got it off my chest
don't walk away
'cause if you do you'll miss the best part
of what I gotta say
Baby I want to go back in time
to the first time, get it right
I'm sorry
And my life is nothing without you, baby
My life is nothing without you
My life is nothing without you

I know that it was hard for you
and I know that you were hungry for love
girl and I was starving you
and it was childish I admit
how i tried to get you back for everything you did
girl I would have never packed up and bounced
if you ain't feel the need to go sneaking around
and I'm sure you wouldn't have checked my messages
If I would've been honest about where I've been

[Chorus]

Baby I want, to go back in time
to the first time, get it right
to the first time, and get it right
Baby I want, to go back in time
to the first time, get it right
'cause I'm Sorry
And my life is nothing without you
nothing without you baby
nothing without you baby
nothing without you baby


>>Neyo: Single (I LOVEEEE THIS SONG it is so cute!!!)
Yeah...
Ahhh..
Hey hey hey

[Rap]
Everybody in the club right now, tell the dj to turn it loud
Baby girl this your favorite song, Baby girl it's your favorite song
This for girls who got their own car, this for girls who got their own crib
This for girls who got their own shhhhh... (1, 2, 3, 4)

[Ne-Yo]
If you came here by yourself tonight,
Cause' he wouldn't pick up the phone,
He was supposed to bring you here tonight,
Couldn't find him so you came alone.
It don't matter cause' you're here now, and the music you're enjoying
So for the next couple minutes
Baby imma be your boyfriend.

Pretty mama if you're single (hey), single,
You don't got to be alone tonight
So while the DJ play that single (hey), single
Just pretend that I'm you're man tonight

See you don't got to be alone, I'll be your boyfriend
See you don't got to be alone, girl I'll be your boyfriend
See you don't got to be alone, baby I'll be your boyfriend
Ooo be your boyfriend till the song goes off

See you don't got to be alone, I'll be your boyfriend
See you don't got to be alone, girl I'll be your boyfriend
See you don't got to be alone, baby I'll be your boyfriend
Ooo be your boyfriend till the song goes off
Oooo (ooooo)
Ooooo (ooooo)
Ooooo (ooooo)
Hey, Be your boyfriend till the song goes off

He don't tell you that you're beautiful (beautiful), let me tell you to the beat
He don't tell you that he love you girl (loves you girl), let me sing it in a harmony
Let my song get you higher (higher), we don't have to come back down (Nooo)
And if ever you should miss me (miss me), just tell the DJ run it back now (ohhh)

Pretty mama if you're single (hey), single,
You don't got to be alone tonight
So while the DJ run this single (hey), single
Just pretend that I'm you're man tonight

See you don't got to be alone, I'll be your boyfriend
See you don't got to be alone, girl I'll be your boyfriend
See you don't got to be alone, baby I'll be your boyfriend
Ooo be your boyfriend till the song goes off

See you don't got to be alone, I'll be your boyfriend
See you don't got to be alone, girl I'll be your boyfriend
See you don't got to be alone, baby I'll be your boyfriend
Ooo be your boyfriend till the song goes off
Oooo (ooooo)
Ooooo (ooooo)
Ooooo (ooooo)
Hey be your boyfriend till the song goes off
Oooo (ooooo)
Ooooo (ooooo)
Ooooo (ooooo)
Be your boyfriend till the song goes off


Well those are just some of the songs im feeling at the moment. Some are old, some are new. BUt yeah it is what it is be back next week with more for ya>>

Revelations....

Its so funny how i can be so naive sometimes.
So blind to reality.
Because sometimes i try so hard to see the good in people even though it might not even be there.
Im just too stubborn to realize the abundance of flaws that they have.
I need to grow up.
I need to learn from my mistakes.
Everything happens for a reason.
And like my friend said....you are supposed to use your experiences to learn and grow, you cant take the easy way out.
Life will throw you some curve balls but you just have to know how to manuever around them and not get hit the next time.
I just wish i could find a dude thats on my level.
Someone just as intelligent.
Who wants to be successful and do something with his life.
I was lying to myself and being stupid thinking he would change and get better if i gave him time.
We all know that was never going to happen.
If a man wants to change he will.
It has to be because he wants to.
You cant make a man do anything.
So i need to just do me and accomplish great things.
Then when the time is right...just like my friend said...the right person will come along.
A quote once said something like this: happiness is like a butterfly if you chase it , it eludes you, but if you wait for it to come your way it will stay.
I think thats true.
Its time for me to learn to be happy alone, because if you are not happy alone when will you be happy?
That means accepting my flaws and improving my strengths.
Because at the end of the day im more good than bad.
Im tired of waiting for someone else to acknowledge that.
Its time for me to realize that.
Another quote once said:everything will be okay in the end...if its not the okay then its not the end.
So im going forward, not looking back.
Its time to continue my journey.
Theres one thing i learned from this, never let a man stop you from growing or being who you were meant to be.
If he cant accept everything about you, then he dont deserve you.
Its a whole package deal.
he cant pick and choose.

Pet peeves (Its time for me to get on my soapbox>> LOL :-] )

Time for another lovely edition of My Pet peeves: It seems like every week, shoot every day i find more and more things that irk my soul. So here they are.

1) Why must people be secretaries? This truly irks my soul. If someone has something to say why cant they say it themselves? Why must you have a messenger? Be man or woman enough to speak your mind and tell me the truth. keep it 100 with me and ill do the same with you. Point blank.

2) Why do people continue to wear shorts and flipflops when its December, it rains, it snows and its colder than a mug? I dont get it. Are they immune to the cold or they just dont care if they get sick? Which one? Whatever the reason is its still stupid put on some clothes and you wont be hacking up a lung...LMAO.

3)Why do people want you to listen to their story or problem but when you talk they go on to another topic? I mean dont even come at me like that. Be respectful to me or i have no words for you. If you listen to me, ill listen to you. I hate it when it feels like im talking to myself. thats probably b/c i am. nobody really cares about your issues. they are too caught up in their bs and they are too egocentric to take time to listen to others. Thats the main reason i say you know what forget it...ill just write...it solves the problem. i dont have to worry if it(the computer LOL) listens it(the computer) just takes it all in. LOL writing keeps me sane....

4)Why must men play games? If you know you dont care just say that so i dont get my heart trampled. Just let me know from the start : "Okay,im a bser and i dont care and i never will". then i will know to do my own thing and have a back up plan. It would save so much time and energy and prevent all the heartache. Just keep it 100 and there will be no problems. At least give me the opportunity to protect myself.

5)Why do men lie? If there is something i should know just tell me. I wont bite. I might get mad, thats expected but at least ill know and ill learn from it. Then ill be prepared the next time it happens. I cant say i didnt know. B/c lets face it its inevitable. Men lie. So once again let me get myself ready and maybe it wont hurt so bad... ya dig?

6)Why do we still have school a week before finals? This is so ridiculous. I mean how in the world do you expect me to study for your last test/quiz, do a million papers and mini projects, and still be ready for 3-4 finals in the next breath? i need time to recover. I seriously wish they would get rid of fall break, make thanksgiving break longer so you have a wk between the break and when school starts again to do all the crap and study for all the tests when you come back; then you should get the wk before finals off(the wk you come back from thanksgiving should be the last wk) that way you can really prepare instead of cramming. Its really not constructive or conducive to passing b/c you are so stressed and you have so much bs to do its not even funny.

7)Why do some teachers insist on making you stay the whole allotted time while others casually let you out early? I mean damn are you really gonna learn that much in the last 5-10 mins? They need a life.

8)Why does it seem like the night goes by too fast even when you go to bed early enough? I mean i sleep 8hrs or 5hrs and i still feel the same: i still dont feel like getting up. LOL

9) Why does the last week of school go so slowly? I really need this wk to be over. I need some serious downtime i am truly stressed to the nth degree.

10)Finally, on a funny note why does it seem like when you procrastinate you are so much more productive then when you start early? LOL i mean i had a paper due tues and actually didnt type it til 1am that morning. It took me til 3am to finish but it was good and it was pretty long.(8pgs LOL).I dont know why but it seems like im just like my dad i work well under pressure. i get lazy when i start something early. i have to be under some pressure....like its due the next day or the test is the next day to really be productive..LOL aint that crazy?

Well thats it for this week but trust and believe theres more where that came from. :-)

Lyrics Im Feeling :-0

++Beyonce: Scared of Lonely

(Different but im feeling it)

I'm in this fight, and I'm swinging and my arms are getting tired
It's hard, I'm trying to beat this emptiness but I'm running out of time
I'm sinking in the sand, and I can barely stand
I'm lost in this dream, I need you to hold me
I'm scared of lonely
I try to be patient, but I'm hurting deep inside
And I can't keep waiting, I need comfort late at night
And I can't find my way, won't you lead me home
Cause I'm lost in this dream, I need you to hold me

I'm scared of lonely
And I'm scared of being the only shadow I see along the wall
And I'm scared the only heartbeat I hear beating is my own
And I'm scared of being alone
I can't seem to breathe when I am lost in this dream, I need you to hold me
I'm scared of lonely
I'm scared of lonely.....

I cry at night, 'cause my baby's too far to be by my side
To wipe away these tears of mine, so I hold my pillow tight
To imagine you would stretch your hand looking for mine
'Cause I'm lost in this dream , I need you to hold me

I'm scared of lonely
And I'm scared of being the only shadow I see along the wall
And I'm scared the only heartbeat I hear beating is my own
And I'm scared of being alone
I can't seem to breathe when I am lost in this dream, I need you to hold me

I need your strength when nobody is around
'Cause I'm tired of this emptiness, I think I'm drowning
I can't be lonely no more
Cause I'm lost in this dream, I need you to hold me

I'm scared of lonely
And I'm scared of being the only shadow I see along the wall
And I'm scared the only heartbeat I hear beating is my own
And I'm scared of being alone
I can't seem to breathe when I am lost in this dream, I need you to hold me
I'm scared of lonely
I'm scared of lonely.....


**Keyshia Cole: Thought you had my back

(throwback but still hot!!; and so true)

Verse 1]

Every girls got to go through it and every man has to go through it its a thing called love.
Listen to me now Listen to me.
I still remember the day that you said you was a badboy.
Man I should have listened when you said you was a bad boy.
You took control of me I thought you would change for me.
Everything different now reminiscing ain't the same boy,
How I let you come and hurt me like this boy.
This boy, I am open now I want to get away but you are forcing me to stay.

[Chorus]
Love I thought you had my back this time but man I am wrong this time.
It's a thing called
(thought you had my back)
Love I thought you had my back this time, but man I am wrong this time,.
It's a thing called Love.

I loved you for your ways but your ways hurt me bad boy.
Hurt me so bad why you want to see me sad boy, I am tired of crying over you
but I miss you so much I don't know what to do seems that I gotta move on
live life with out cha, but every time someone comes around to talk about you
I get feelings inside again I wanna be right back by your side again.

[Chorus]

Ooh ooh ooh You got me ya, ooh You got me ooh ooh, You got me ya, oooh.
And I don't know what to do. I thought you had my back I am so wrong I am so wrong.

Ya its all good though sometimes in life you know situations
come your way you just gotta make good decisions man,
You know you gotta know your focus in life and if love is your focus then man pay attention.

You got me ya. I am so stuck right here.

>>Brandy: I Tried

(another banger....and so true!!)

First Verse]
I’m sittin' home on a cold day
Underneath the covers like a little baby
Think I wanna hear some Coldplay
Especially that song when the man says

[Bridge]
'Did I drive you away?'
I know what you’ll say
Oh I know
I know all about your ways
What you do
When you’re gone
And I knew
All along
And they say people change
So I, tried to look the other way

[Chorus 2x]
I tried to be blind to your game
Deep down, I knew
Shoulda left your side in the first place
But I thought I’d be cool

[Second Verse]
All I can see is yo-ur face
Givin’ my lovin away at some woman’s place
Maybe I should get up and go wash my face
Cryin’ never kept you at home anyway

[Bridge]
Did I drive you away? (No I didn’t but you said it)
I know what you’ll say
Oh I know
I know all about your ways
What you do
When you’re gone
And I knew
All along
And they say people change
So I, tried to look the other way

[Chorus]
I tried to be blind to your game (Tried to be blind, yeah)
Deep down I knew [Deep down I knew, inside oh]
Shoulda left your side in the first place
But I thought I’d be cool

[Chorus]
I tried to be blind to your game (I tried to be blind)
Deep down I knew (but I knew it, oh oh oh oh)
Shoulda left your side in the first place
But I thought I’d be cool

[Bridge 2]
And all you spent
The calls you get
And the rooms and sh!!
And I knew
You had a b!tch
I hated it
That’s what I get

[Chorus out]

~Toni Braxton: STupid

(I LOVE Love Love this song....this made that scene in Diary of a mad black woman where she sees the newly engaged couple and then takes off her ring and finishes her drink...thats my movie...LOL; this is so true!!!)

Loving you is stupid
Cause I know that you never really loved me
And you never gave me signs Id see
That you and me were ever a possibility
And I feel so stupid
After all the noise you left me lonely to die
And you never gave me a reason why
And now Im sittin all alone and I cry

Am I stupid
I shouldve known you were only playing a game
And you and me would never be the same
You made me feel like Im the one to blame
And I feel so stupid
After all those nights after nights that I tried
And all those conversations of lies
And Im sittin here all alone and Im cryin

Im crying....

I cant believe you never knew how I felt
All this love and baby no one else
Could ever love me the way that you do
Youre all I need and you treated me so wrong
And I cant believe it
How could you do me like you do
Cause Ive been so stupid for you

Why do you do me like you do
You baby, You darlin
You baby, You darlin
You dont care
Im stupid baby, Im stupid darlin
For you

And Im the one played
And Im the one left with all the shame
Im stupid baby, Stupid darlin


+++Well thats where i am this week empowered but still somewhat docile..look out for a new blog in a sec...

My Love Language ♥

Well all of the questions didnt apply but i do agree with what they came up with.

I feel loved when...

The Five Love Languages

My Primary Love Language is Quality Time

My Detailed Results:
Quality Time:	9
Physical Touch:	8
Words of Affirmation:	6
Receiving Gifts:	3
Acts of Service:	3

About this quiz

Unhappiness in relationships is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. It can be helpful to know what language you speak and what language those around you speak.

Tag 3 people so they can find out what their love language is.

Take the Quiz!
Check out the Book

Why?

I was so lost.
So naive.
So blind
So in love.
But now i see the reality.
But now im still in love.
But this is different.
I wanted to believe you so bad.
I wanted to love you and look past everything bad.
I wanted to be there for you.
But now its up to you.
Im subtracting myself from this equation.
You decide what you want.
I gotta do whats best for me.
I have made my decision.
I just cant believe that this is happening.
Its like the world is my enemy.
Nothing is going my way.
everything i believed in is a lie.
So now i gotta start from scratch.
I thought i was growing but now it feels like im going backwards.
I just wish you would love me and be with me or leave me alone.
Either tell me the truth or nothing at all.
ANd you wonder why i dont tell you nothing.
You dont tell me nothing but you want my life story.
This aint a one way street. You gotta meet me halfway.
It feels like im living a nightmare that never ends.
I thought you were different but i guess i thought wrong.
I should have gotten the hints...
I should have noticed the comparisons...
I should have noticed everything but i was so blind.
I love you but i dont know what to do or think anymore.
I just cant put myself through this.
It hurts too bad.
Its making me sad.
I need to be happy.
I put so much time in with you just for you to play me.
At least be man enough to tell me yourself.
Im really not feeling the secretaries...You have a mouth.
Use it and tell me how you really feel.
I try to tell you stuff now and its like whatever...
I mean whats the point?
Saying nothing worked better.
I guess you were right.
I just didnt want to believe you.
I loved you, scratch that, love you so much none of that matters.
I just want to be with you.
I only care about you.
When you want to talk and come correct, you know where to find me....
Until then i have no words for you...

What Happened?

What happened to the man i loved?
The man i thought was sent from up above.
What happened to the man that called me everyday?
The man that showed me love in every way?
What happened to the man that told me how he felt?
The man that made my heart melt.
What happened to the man that made me smile?
The man that talked on the phone for more than a while.
What happened to the man that loved me?
The man that said he doesnt know what he would do without me?
What happened to the warm, caring, man i used to know?
The man that would never let me go.
Or was all this just an illusion?
Am i just crazy?
It seems like you are so different.
Im not the same person i was before either.
But i just dont know.
Its killing me that you are not talking to me.
Loving me.
Chilling with me.
Just being with me.
I dont know what to do.
Im just so lost without you.
All i wanna know is what happened to that man?

just some thoughts floating around in my head.....♥ :-/

Well im kinda sad. Im overworked. My head is killing me. Im sleep-deprived. Im always in my own world. Thats all i do is think about stuff. Whats due tomorrow? What do i have to start? What do i have to read for this class? Am i really in love or is it just lust? Why do i love him so much? Why cant i get him off my mind? Why do i want to cry sometimes when i think about it? Why am i so antisocial sometimes and so outspoken at other times? Why do i care about him so much but then again hate him at the same time? Is this what love really is? Is this what it does to you? Does it consume you, mind, body and spirit? Does it make you want to crawl up in a corner and cry because you miss him so much? Does it make you want to think about him and nothing else even though you have a ton of other things to do? Does it make you love him even more even when he hurts you? Do you always have to talk to him, everyday? Do you tell all your friends about him? Do you write poems about him? Do you get mad at him but you cant stay mad? Do you want him so much you cant even conceive the thought of being with somebody else? Does your blood boil knowing that he may find somebody else but you know they arent as good as you in any way, so you put up a nonchalant front? Does every conversation turn into a conversation about him? Do you feel happy as soon as he calls? Do you smile when you hear his voice? Do you count the seconds, minutes, hours, days, and maybe even weeks till you see him again? Do you constantly think about the times you have shared? Do you want him back more than anything in the world? Theres so much more i can say but i think this about sums it up. I mean what more can i say? I just wish he would forgive me and call me. I just want him to be in my life. But i cant force him to do anything, he has to make that decision, so until then i just have to learn to distract myself and be productive. But if that time never comes then ill know the reality of the situation that i thought was true love. Ill know that everything we had is gone. Ill know that its true what they say: good things dont last forever so enjoy them while you can. Ill just know. I wont have to wonder anymore. I just wish and pray and hope that im wrong. I hope he still cares, deep down inside. I hope he calls. I hope he still loves me. I hope he comes back. I hope he still wants to be in my life. I just want to hope again. I just want to believe again. I honestly lost hope and faith in love. He broke my heart when he said those words. I just want him to be the one to pick up the pieces and put it back together.

Lyrics im feeling :-)

Current mood: artistic Category: ambivalent,calm Music

+SIngle Ladies(Put A Ring On It): Beyonce
All the single ladies (All the single ladies)All the single ladies (All the single ladies)All the single ladies (All the single ladies)All the single ladiesNow put your hands up[Verse 1]Up in the club, we just broke up I'm doing my own little thing You decided to dip but now you wanna trip Cuz another brother noticed me I'm up on him, he up on me dont pay him any attention Cuz I cried my tears, for three good years Ya can't be mad at me [Chorus] Cuz if you liked it then you should have put a ring on it If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it Don't be mad once you see that he want it If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on itWuh uh oh uh uh oh oh uh oh uh uh ohWuh uh oh uh uh oh oh uh oh uh uh ohCuz if you liked it then you should have put a ring on it If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it Don't be mad once you see that he want it If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it[Verse 2]I got gloss on my lips, a man on my hips Hold me tighter than my Dereon jeans Acting up, drink in my cup I could care less what you think I need no permission, did I mention Dont pay him any attention Cuz you had your turn And now you gon learn What it really feels like to miss me [Chorus]Wuh uh oh uh uh oh oh uh oh uh uh ohWuh uh oh uh uh oh oh uh oh uh uh oh[Bridge]Don't treat me to these things of the world I'm not that kind of girl Your love is what I prefer, what I deserve Is a man that makes me then takes me And delivers me to a destiny, to infinity and beyond Pull me into your arms Say I'm the one you own If you don't, you'll be alone And like a ghost I'll be gone All the single ladies (All the single ladies)All the single ladies (All the single ladies)All the single ladies (All the single ladies)All the single ladiesNow put your hands upWuh uh oh uh uh oh oh uh oh uh uh ohWuh uh oh uh uh oh oh uh oh uh uh ohCuz if you liked it then you should have put a ring on it If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it Don't be mad once you see that he want it If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it [repeat]Wuh uh oh

>> If This Isn't Love: Jennifer Hudson
I'm calling this fone up just keep tellin how muchI really love him cause he's everything I wantHe listens to me, cares for meSo why'd you leaving me?God sent me an angel up from aboveTo love me for lifeThings would be perfectOnly because it's the only wayI can describe and say[Chorus:]If this isn't loveSee what it is, is like I'd be dreaming and just playin crazyIf this isn't loveSee what it is, cause I never felt like this babyIf this isn't loveL-o-v-e what is (in) me?L-o-v-e Oh...If this isn't love [x2][Verse 2:]I'm selfish cause I don't wanna shareWhen nobody not even knowsPeople that came before meBut see I ever believe.God sent me an angel up from aboveTo love me for lifeThings would be perfectOnly because it's the only wayI can describe and say[Chorus:]If this isn't loveSee what it is, it's like I'd be dreaming and just playin crazy, (oh)If this isn't love (No)See what it is, cause I never felt like this babyIf this isn't loveL-o-v-e what is (in) me?L-o-v-e Oh...If this isn't love [x2]So if you got real loveLet me see you put your hands upSee you put your hands upThe kind of love that beatsWild like a clubLet me see you put your hands upSee you put your hands up, if this isn't loveCause I know I ain't crazyI know I ain't trippinI know I ain't sleepinI know that it's loveSee me with my hands upIf you think I'm dreaminI know I ain't dreaminCause this reason maybeAnd I know what is loveIf this isn't love...[Chorus: till end]

Im feeling kinda ambivalent so yeah it is what it is...:-) LOL