I really dont know anymore.... ;-(

Current mood: artistic Category: confused, frustrated, contemplating Romance and Relationships
I really dont get whats goin on right now. I mean first you say i shouldnt change then you say i should. I mean i never really thought i had so many things wrong with me until i spoke my mind and you were "enlightened" or whatever. I mean there are so many reasons why i felt as though i couldnt spill my guts. But ill stick with just a few. First, i didnt know how long it would last so should i really pour my heart out just for you to leave? Second, i didnt know if you could handle it seeing as we didnt and probably still dont, know each other like that despite how long we have been talking. Third, i was always told by my friends, gmom, and mama as well that you should never ever tell a man everything. So when you say i should feel comfortable, i didnt because then you would know every thing and every part about me and there would be no mystery. There would be nothing to discover. I would be vulnerable. You might take advantage of something i told you and use it against me. How do i know? I mean i thought men liked not knowing everything. If you know everything about somebody would you really still like them? Would you really still see them the same way? Would you really still care? I just never thought i could because when you tell all your business, its your fault when you get hurt. And i know you say you wouldnt hurt me, i can trust you, you are not going anywhere. But its just that i never had what i had with you before. I never had these feelings. Well if i did, they were never as real as they are for you. I feel as though, I need to grow and now you agree. It would also help if i had more experience with relationships, i would know how to act. I mean i never had a man treat me like you do. i never felt the way i feel about you. Now i realize that i was holding back because i was scared. Scared to get hurt. I was scared to fall too hard and you wouldnt be there to catch me. I just need that reassurance i guess. I have a few issues i guess: for starters, i nag too much, i keep everything to myself, i dont trust people, i get hype over petty stuff, im too defensive, i dont know how to be loose, i dont know. Theres probably more but i cant think right now. All i know is i love you and nothin or noone could change that. I just wish you knew. Something else i know is that with this new knowledge, i can be a better person, i can treat you better and love you better. If you want me to. It seems as if you are too quick to think that i dont want you, just because theres a song on my page or a particular sticker. Or because i dont talk to you. Or i dont call. Really most of that is just plain old day to day moodiness and being busy with school and other day-to-day stuff. Everybody has their days. Somedays they feel good other days they dont. Im just a very expressive person, So if i feel a certain way...you'll know because of my music or my stickers, or my blog or my status. But make no mistake none of this defines me. If you really wanna know me, talk to me. Ask me questions. Be real. I mean dont assume. Dont jump to conclusions from what you see. Get to know the real me. Thats all i ask.
But heres a lil something that i wanna share with you: (writing as i go, just see what you think...(for my boo he knows who he is ♥):
I love you with no end in sight.
I love with all my might.
You correct me when im wrong.
When im weak you make me strong.
When im blind you help me see.
When im lost you find me.
I love you so much its crazy.
I dont know what i would do if you werent my baby.
I truly need you in my life.
I just want to be your wife.
I know ive said it time and time again.
But baby you are my boo and my friend.
My love for you has no end.
This love is unconditional.
Its so deep i can feel it in my veins.
Each time i close my eyes i can see your face.
Just as clear as day.
When im sad you make the tears fade away.
You bring a smile to my face.
You make my heart smile.
You make me feel good.
I never want to be without you.
I love the way you do.
What you do.
I love who you are.
Even with your flaws.
You are so raw.
You are so real.
I love how you make me say what i feel.
I love that you want me to tell you the deal.
I love being in your presence.
Theres no better feeling.
Whenever you're around im so high i can touch the ceiling.
Its like everything else is a blur and i zoom in on you.
With your smooth brown skin and nice brown eyes.
Sometimes they be having me hynoptized.
I love how i can forget all about the stress.
And then im submerged in unlimited happiness.
Whenever you come around i never want you to leave.
You gotta know that if you split, i would sure grieve.
I love the way you kiss me with those smooth, lovely lips.
I love the sweet things you say.
I love when i get to hug you.
I love when you stare at me like im the prettiest girl you ever seen.
I love how when i stare at you it feels like im in a dream.
A dream that i never want to end.
A dream that is too good to be pretend.
It has to be reality.
It must be actuality.
Theres no other way to explain it.
Theres always a thought of you on my brain.
Im always smiling.
I can just think for hours. I can forget all about my hw.
But its okay cause i got you.
You make me happy.
Please believe it.
Its you i want.
Its you i need in my life.
I love you I love you I Love you I love YOU I Love YOU I LOVE YOU>>> Have i made myself clear???