Whats goin on with me? More about me(as promised)

==ToDAy's NUMerO UNo ISsuE:

Okay so im kinda lost right now in my life. School is stressin me out. Like my boo keep thinkin he isnt good enough for me. He says i can do better but i dont think like that. I think hes a good person with a bad side and a good side. Speaking of that he actually made, well not made but asked me to make a list of all his good qualities and his bad qualities (kinda like in tyler perrys why did i get married( one of my fav movies btw big tyler fan :-)) and see if the good outweighed the bad or vice versa. However when i was done, there was more in the good column than the bad. But he insisted on trying to find more bad. As if he was like doing some kind of self-expose and revealing stuff that i didnt even know about him, or stuff that i knew already. It was like he wanted to get rid of me. Like he was intimidated. but he told me that he was intimidated cause im smart, beautiful and im doing something with my life and what is he doing? Its like he loves me with everything he has yet he still doubts his value/worth to me. I didnt know what to think. He made me feel bad. Speaking of that, he said it felt like i didnt believe a thing he said and that i didnt really love him. He thought like i wasnt letting him into my heart so to speak. But i told him when you been hurt and you have little experience, those few experiences dictate your future behavior, thoughts and actions towards the next "candidate"(very appropriate words seein as today is election day! yay OBAMA!!). I mean you start to believe, even though you havent been through many relationships that all men just want sex and a man will never really love you. So when one comes along that may not be perfect but has some potential and he treats you way differently than anybody else, you cant see that and it takes some assistance, and some time to get that through your head that a man can really love you and want more than sex. Also he seems to be under the impression that i am very beautiful so i get multiple and frequent opportunities to conversate and socialize with men, and he think like i get approached like all the time. Its ridiculous. I mean for real just because you are beautiful doesnt mean all men will see that and appreciate you. Because what is beautiful to one man may be unattractive to another. I mean its just not that simple. I just figure 1 men dont like me like that or 2 i dont give off the impression that i am open to be approached or 3 i dont go out enough. I mean there could be multiple reasons. I could go on forever, but the point is i really dont get that much play. So when one man comes around that i love, i stick with him and even though he may have a few flaws i learn to live with them because thats what love is. I am beginning to realize that the perfect man does not exist. Now that does not mean i am settlin or suggesting that anyone else do that. I am saying that at some point you have to stop and tell yourself that everybody have issues. Now the question is how many issues is acceptable and are you willing to live with them. If you can answer the first part(every body has a different idea of how many flaws is acceptable) and you answered yes to the second question then thats the person for you at this point in time, maybe not forever but for the present. I just want him to realize that im not settlin like he thinks because i actually love and care for him and despite his flaws i love him. He wants me to marry him, he says. And im a lil too young for that. i dont wanna lead him on. So i told him im not sayin you will not be the person im with forever, we'll have to see what fate has in store. But if i do find someone else i like more i will be with them, if we part before we get married. But if im not with anyone else or i never leave, then yes i would love to marry him. But right now thats too far ahead to even think about. truthfully i wanna have some fun in my life first and see if i could possibly love anyone else first and if the answer is no then ill pick him. But that is only on the condition that he comes to visit me and we get to interact with each other. I dont wanna get married and i havent even spent any time with him to see how he is in person. Seriously. I just wanna enjoy the present thats enough to worry about and stress about without adding the future. Lets just enjoy it while it lasts however long that is. hopefully forever, if its gods will. I really do love him and i wish he would stop thinkin so badly of himself when it comes to me and realize that stuff like that doesnt matter. I love him for him. He aint perfect but i still got love for him regardless because he just has my heart. What can i say?

Yeah though thats my piece on that. In other news im really excited about today despite some haters...I really want obama to win because its an historic election and i believe he can do great things because he is a great man that gives me the chills when he speaks and he gives me inspiration to keep going and he gives me oh so much pride he is so unique so eloquent and so qualified, he is the epitome of our MLK, hes just that great. However, whatever happens tonight i just know that this is my history and no matter what anybody says that cant be taken away from me. And because of how far he has come, he will make it easier for another african american to run in the future. its historic regardless. But i really want him to win. I really dont know what will happen if that other one...(not to be mentioned here his name is too ugly to grace my blog LMAO) wins. I know i really wont go to school except to take my bio test. LOL I have high expectations and i hope they are met.

++TOdays NUmero DoS ISsuE: (10 more things about me; parts will be shorter due to the fact that i should be studying right now LOL)

1) I hate when people ask stupid questions:

I mean the answers are so obvious. Like is that your hair, uh...no its not but i bought it so that makes it mine. Or do you to go to Widener? (when they can see i have the shirt on, why else would i wear it? for fun?)

2) I hate when men put themselves down believing that they are not good enough for me: I mean if you were that bad i would have never picked you from the jump. I picked you because you stood out and i like you. Or you picked me. Now if i just happen to be smart, pretty and going somewhere in life and you choose to be complacent or dont want anything better how is that my fault? All i can do is lift you up and encourage you if you WANT to do BettER. However, you dont care how can i help you? (there are some exceptions and there are those out there who always get the short end of the straw so to speak, and nothin seems to go right in their lives so it forces them to stay where they are out of defeat and that causes pessimism. So for you i say, keep your head up brothers it cant get worse than it already is if you are at the bottom, it can only get better)

3) I dont like people who talk about things they dont know or assume that you always have to do things their way:

I mean if you dont know, save yourself the hurt and embarrassment and keep your mouth shut. Dont talk about what you dont know. it makes you look stupid and ignorant.

I mean im not you im unique so i have a different out look and i see things in a different light so im going to do things the way i think is best. Because thats all i know. How can i do better(or your way) without knowing there is another way?

4) I hate when life gets good and then all of the sudden everything comes crashing down on you:

I mean its like im loving life. Im loving the people around me and then out of nowhere something bad happens that makes me sad, mad, or just plain indifferent(meaning i isolate myself to defend my feelings in case you didnt know). Its the worst feeling.

5) I hate when people act like they arent irkin'when they are:

Its like they are totally oblivious to the fact that other people have to deal with their stupidity or juvenile behavior. Its crazy and it irks me so bad.

Now heres some loves (too much negativity hurts you LOL gotta have balance)

6) I love when a man tells me how he feels:

When he can say whats on his mind without hesitating for fear of what im thinking or not thinking because if hes real with himself, he can stand up for his emotions and reveal them. It gives me a deeper connection and something to reflect on when i cant talk to him (whether its good or bad). I love hearing things like that.

7) I love being able to have a day off:

You know, sometimes when you're in college it seems like the work never ends and you feel bogged down. (well at least if you are a nursing major).Im craving a break so bad. It would do my heart and my mind immense good.

8) I love chillin by myself:

Cause sometimes people irk me. its so refreshing to just be able to be immersed in your thoughts and dreams even. LOL and plus im an only child so im used to it i dont mind. i love having my space!!!

9) I love eating my mamas homecooked food:
She cooks some good stuff. Like sometimes ill be real greedy and eat whatever she made the first day. (LIke itll be all gone) LIke thats just how i am. im a glutton i cant help it. Its so refreshing to have the food she makes after being at school and having to eat the same thing all the time.

FREEZE! STOP LOL back to one last hate that just hit me!!

10) Why do people feel the need to tell the whole world (not really but you know what i mean) all their business?:

I mean for real why you think i wanna know that you just took a leak? i mean for real thats ridiculous. People are crazy!!



*Bonus: I hate mufuckin Mccain and stupid PALIN no more words needed
*Bonus: I hate when people only care about themselves and act stupid..basically i hate selfish self-centered people. PS: Oh yeah i hate weird people too. LOL