NYRS and my year in review ;-)

Well every year brings something new and teaches you something new. After a while they all seem to blend together but in actuality, every year i emerge stronger, more intelligent, more confident and more mature. I also manage to accomplish a few big things if not all of my goals.

>>What i did accomplish:

1) I spoke my mind more.
2) I made some new friends.
3)I learned to appreciate different types of people
4)I learned a new language.
5)I finished almost 2 years of nursing school and kept my grades up.
6)I learned to be more independent.
7)I became a little more confident.
8)I learned more about life.
9)I learned to work hard to get what i want.
10)I learned alot about relationships.

More but once again...dont wanna write a novel. LOL

++Well this year i have quite a few resolutions. Here they are.

1)To love myself first and never let anybody compromise who i am.
2)To do everything big. If im going to do something in '09 im going to make the most of it and try my hardest to succeed at it. (Work hard and finish sophomore year)
3)To get to know myself better and be a better person.(If i ever intend to find love in the future i definitely have to know myself first.)
4)To shed some weight.
5)To appreciate my fam and friends and spend more time with the people i know and love.
6)To get out more and have more fun.
7)To pray more and read the good book, if i dont make it to church. LOL
8)To stop being so critical and analytical about little things and move on with life.(at least where its not needed)
9)To get my driver's license(I know im too old not to have it right? whatever....LOL)
10)Just take time to chill out and take care of me...LOL

Well thats all i can think of...If i could even accomplish half of this i would be happy..LOL. I just hope '09 will be even bigger and better than this year and something tells me it will be, if i have anything to say about it!!! ;-) HAppy New Year YALL, be blessed and work hard to accomplish whatever you set out to do this year. New year better you!!! ;-) Peace, Joy, and LOve

P.P.O.T.W.(aka stuff i hate LOL)

Okay havent done one of these in a while. But i think the current circumstances call for it. Here we go.

1) Dont you hate when you give your all to somebody, yet they just ignore you. Then when you finally give up they "want" you. However they do nothing to show it? It really hurts and i dont know what to do. But i guess i'll just have to wait a million years for a certain person to realize how great i am or just forget him. Id rather do the former because for some reason i just cant forget him. Oh well we'll see what '09 brings.

2)I hate when it seems like a man only wants me for sex. I mean its flattering and all. But i just wish somebody would like me for my physical attributes as well as what im bringing to the table mentally. I always thought i would find or had found "the one" but im really starting to believe that there is no "one". I guess the one is whoever you love at the time and the feeling is mutual. I guess the one is also somebody who you feel is worthy of your goods. Its time to stop waiting for a perfect man and just take the next nice one. (im not sayin settle or take a mediocre one, but at least be realistic)

3) I hate when a man cant tell me the truth. I know i have said this before. But i mean if you cant keep it 100 with me, then what else is there to the relationship? every relationship should be built on trust. I might be mad but at least i'll know.

4)I hate when i get ignored. I mean if you dont care anymore or you never did, just let me know. I know i said something to this effect before but i think it needed to be said again. First off its rude. Second, you wouldnt want anyone to do it to you.

5)I hate being bored. Its like i have tons of stuff to do. But sometimes none of that seems fun. Its seems like ive done everything sometimes. LOL it drives me crazy when i cant find something to occupy myself. Thats when i start doing stupid random stuff LOL.

6)I hate when you are trying to relax, but the people in your house(in this case, mom and pop dukes LOL) will not stop calling you. Thats when i say ok i love ya but please just let me be. Thats when i say dang when does school start. Its times like that when i really wouldnt mind being back at school. LOL

7) I hate when mom or pop dukes invade my space. Once again this brings the thought to mind, when do i graduate and how soon can i afford my own place so i can officially be ms. independent LOL. Its like they dont want me to have no peace.

8) I hate when people, namely mom and pop dukes still act like im such a youngin. But thats when i say to myself, okay didnt i just finish almost 2 years of college and havent i basically lived on my own all that time? LOL. I guess i wont truly be grown til 25 as they say. when i can pay my own way. In reality i dont want to be old. But at the same time, you get more freedom and sometimes more respect even though with age comes more responsibility. I dont really want to pay all them bills. I just wanna be able to say i can pay them and have my own life. LOL

9)I hate that school wont get any easier. And there are two more years left after this semester. I can already tell im gonna hate it so im tryna make this break last as long as possible. LOL. I mean from this point on, there will be less classes than previous years, but the classes are more complex and intense, and ill have clinicals. I already told the folks that i probably wont be home and they wont hear from me for a while. Im tryna go harder this semester and pass all my classes. I want more As. But like pop dukes says, as school goes on, its harder to get as and even bs so maybe ill have to settle for some C+s. Which i despise because im a perfectionist. LOL I was mad when i got more bs than as this semester. but i still maintained an ok gpa (3.35 LOL).

10) I hate that break goes so fast. Im going to miss sleeping late. Im going to miss having nothing to do and loving it(except for the extreme boredom at times LOL). Im going to miss the really good food. (maybe ill take some back if theres any left...im greedy>> LOL)

Okay so you see where my head is. Kinda impatient, Kinda bored, Kinda happy. A lil bit of everything LMAO.Well i could write more but i cant think of anything else. Ill be back with more next wk. PS: look out for my NYRs tomorrow or NYE. See ya!!

Lyrics Im feeLIng ;-)

Heres the XMAs Edition: MErry CHRISTMas YALL!!

++Destiny's Child: Winter Paradise(LOve this song...i listen to the whole cd every year!! LOL)

this is how i feel bout x-mas,im doin a 1 time deal
Its the smell of pine
Its the x-mas lights
The feelin of god
The good o'l egg nog
Its the blessed faces
Its them happy faces
Its the family bread
Its the uvs underwaer
Its that anxiousness
Its that great homeness
Its that rumpshusness after givin' all them gifts

Chorus:
Oh loving and laughing and sharing this winter paradise (2 times)

What this x-mas means to me: spending my time wit my family
Knowing it the season for giving
Running down stairs for moms to keep
Sending x-mas love to the ones u know
Kissin' y'o man under the misoetoe
Spreding love to everyone
And thanking god for the birth of his son

Chorus:
Oh loving and laughing and sharing this winter paradise (2 times)

Snowing and its cold outside
Raping gifts by the fireside
My family is here
X-mas day is near
Its a very special time of the year
A blessed time
A joyous time
A giving time
A good feeling time
A happy time
A laughing time
Sharing this winter paradise



Chorus:
Oh loving and laughing and sharing this winter paradise (2 times)

Its yo gets you give
Its yo relative
Its yo kids in the back room
Its the home cooked food
Its the x-mas colors
The stocking stuffers
Its the impatient nights
Winter paradise


Chorus:
Oh loving and laughing and sharing this winter paradise (2 times)

Ha ha haa haa

(end)

+++++++++++++++++

** Chris Brown: This Christmas(so in love with his version, so angelic!! LOL)

Hang all the mistletoe
Im gonna get to know you better, yeah
This christmas
And as we trim the tree
How much fun its gonna be together, yeah ha
This christmas

Fireside is blazing bright
Were caroling through the night
And this christmas, will be yeah
A very special christmas, for me yeah

Presents and cards are here
My world is filled with cheer and you, ohh yeah
This christmas
And as I look around
Your eyes outshine the town, they do
This christmas
Fireside is blazing bright
Were caroling through the night

And this christmas, will be
A very special christmas, for me yeah

Alright, break it down, ha ha ha

Ooh yeah, yeah yeah, alright
Yeah yeah yeah, yeah yeah
Yeah yeah yeah yeah, yeah yeah
Alright now, right now, now

Fireside, oh, is blazing bright
Were caroling through the night, yeah
And this christmas, will be, oh
A very special christmas, for me yeah
And this christmas, will be
A very special christmas, for me oh oh

Yeah yeah yeah yeah
Merry christmas, ooh yeah
Gonna have a merry christmas, ohh yeah, oh oh
Merry christmas, oh it will be
Oh, a very very very special christmas
A very special christmas (this christmas)
Alright now, right now, yeah oh
It will be now, oh (this christmas)
Oh, this will be, this will be, baby
A very special
Have a merry merry christmas (hey yeah)
And a happy new year
Oh hey, alright, yeah yeah yeah
Merry christmas
This christmas
Oh this will be, this will be, baby


>>Toni Braxton: The Christmas Song(LOve her version!!)

Chestnuts roasting on an open fire
Jack frost nipping at your nose
Yuletide carols being sung by a choir
And folks dressed up like eskimos

Everybody knows a turkey and some mistletoe
Helps to make the season bright
Tiny tots with their eyes all aglow
Will find it hard to sleep tonight

They know that santa's on his way
And he's got lots of toys
And many goodies on his sleigh
And every mother's child is gonna spy
To see if reindeer really know how to fly

And so, i'm offering this simple phrase
To kids from one to ninety-two
Although it's been said many times, many ways
Merry christmas to you

Well those are 3 of my favorites i have so many more but yeah im trying to keep it short and sweet!! LOL See yall next week!!! Merry XMAs ;-)

PRos and ConS (read for detaiLS ;-0)

Well here it is. i been thinking about this topic alot lately so i decided to write about it. Just my thoughts, not law. Take them or leave them its up to you.

Pros: Being in a relationship

1) There is someone in your life that genuinely loves, cares for, and appreciates you for who you truly are.

2) You feel the same way about them.

3)You have someone to cuddle with LOL

4) You can tell them anything and they'll take it for what it is(wont twist your words)

5)You have alot in common

6)Both parties are pulling their weight to make it work

7)That person is your friend and your lover.

8)That person listens to you.

9) They remember the little things that make you happy.

10) You both see eye to eye on things, most of the time.

11)They are very supportive.

12)They treat you right

(more but i dont wanna write a novel LOL, feel free to add more)

Cons:Being in a relationship

1)The other person could cheat.

2) They will lie.

3)They will act distant for no apparent reason

4)You might feel unloved sometimes

5)No matter how mad you are you still love them but you dont want to get your heart broken or your feelings hurt.

6)You might not talk everyday or hang out as much as you should.

7)The person may take you for granted.

8)Yall lose the connection.

9)No matter what they do, you still care, even though you shouldnt

10)It takes alot of work and dedication to make a relationship work.

11) You may not get alot of alone time.

12)Complicates life.

(Now all of these, pros and cons can apply to you too, not just the person, as always, its a two way street!!)

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Pros: Being single

1) You can do whatever you want.

2) Dont have to worry about calling anyone.

3)You have alot of alone time.

4) You can have alot of male friends to fill the void.(strictly platonic though, not on no trick stuff LOL)

5)You feel happier sometimes because you dont have to worry about your heart getting broken.

6)Life is more simple.

7)you can just go on about your business and do you. In other words, be ms. independent (LOL)

8)Sometimes you learn more about love from being single.

9)it gives you time to grow as a person so you can be better for the next or your ex if it works out!!

10)You dont have to live up to somebody's expectations.

11)You learn to appreciate it when you do have a man. But you also learn that you dont need a man, you just want a man.

12)Sometimes life is more spontaneous.

Cons: Being single

1) It gets lonely

2)Sometimes you want a man in your life but it just doesnt work out that way.

3)Life may get boring after a while.

4) You get impatient for love.

5)You may use being single as an excuse to be evil to all mankind... LOL


6)Its not fun being alone all the time.

7)you miss your ex

8)Sometimes you want less spontaneity and more continuity and consistency, which is what a relationship USually offers.

9)You dont have anyone to cuddle with LOL

10)You need some excitement in your life.

11)Old memories flood your head.

12)You might get fat from all that comfort food LOL

Well those are my thoughts...i know funny right? But yeah there are pros and cons to everything. You have to take the good with the bad because life and love arent all roses. You have to get through the storm to see the sunshine. So i guess both are necessary. Sometimes you have more of one than you would like but thats life. You just gotta work through it and pray that god will bless you with a love that is unconditional, real, and true.

Lyrics Im feeLing ;-)

++Jazmine Sullivan: My Foolish Heart ( I love this song!!!)


Oh Oh
Oh Oh

[Verse 1:]
My foolish heart it made me fall in love with him.
I know it goes with how it's feeling.
Oh Oh Oh.
My foolish heart was broken when he left us in the cold.
Now I'm left to fix the pieces.
Oh Oh Oh.

[Chorus:]
I told you once I told you twice, the next time I won't be so nice.
You so quick to give it up, when you don't think about us. (you don't think about us)
I won't let you keep (keep) hurting me, if you gone keep causing me pain.
I won't let you keep (keep) hurting me, I'm 'bout to take you out the game.

Ah Ah Ah Ah Ah
Oh Oh
Ah Ah Ah Ah Ah
Oh Oh

[Verse 2:]
My foolish heart will jump into the deepest of the seas, even if it cannot swim.
Oh Oh Oh.
My foolish heart will trust just anyone, it's so naive.
And I'm left to save it again.
Oh Oh Oh.

[Chorus:]
I told you once I told you twice, the next time I won't be so nice.
You so quick to give it up, when you don't think about us. (you don't think about us)
I won't let you keep (keep) hurting me, if you gone keep causing me pain.
I won't let you keep (keep) hurting me, I'm 'bout to take you out the game.

Ah Ah Ah Ah Ah
Oh Oh
Ah Ah Ah Ah Ah
Oh Oh

[Bridge:]
I can't take another broken heart.
Maybe we should spend time apart.
Oh Oh Oh.
Driving me crazy, I can't take it no more.
Maybe we should spend time apart.

[Chorus: x2]
I told you once I told you twice, the next time I won't be so nice.
You so quick to give it up, when you don't think about us. (you don't think about us)
I won't let you keep (keep) hurting me, if you gone keep causing me pain.
I won't let you keep (keep) hurting me, I'm 'bout to take you out the game.

Ah Ah Ah Ah Ah
Oh Oh
Ah Ah Ah Ah Ah
Oh Oh


>> IF you leave: Musiq Ft. MJB (Classic !!)

[Verse 1: (Musiq Soulchild)]
You think
Im so full of it, full of it
But I think Im just fed up baby
You think I can be so arrogant, arrogant
But Im just tryna get keep my head up baby
You think I procrastinate baby
But I think Im taking my time
You think you need to leave
But I think I disagree but

[Chorus: (Musiq Soulchild)]
If you believe youll do best without me
Ill let it go girl, Its over
But before we say good bye
Lets give it a try
If you leave, then baby I'll leave
I'll let it go girl, Its over
But I have no doubt
We can work it out

[Verse 2: (Mary J Blige)]
Yeah
I think your so full of it, full of it
You just dont know when to let up, Baby
I think you're so arrogant, arrogant
But you think you're so much better baby
That I think It aint dealt before me to judge you by your flaws & thats why
No I could criticize, but I put that aside
To focus on you & I

[Chorus: (Mary J Blige)]
If you believe you'll do best without me
Then I'll let it go boy, Its over
But before we say goodbye
Lets give it a try
If you leave, then baby I'll leave
I'll let it go boy, its over
But I have no doubt
We can work it out
Yeah

[Bridge: (Both)]
Now if you wanna go
Baby then I'll let you go
& even though Im tryna hold on
I cant let you go

& if youre gonna leave me, youre gonna miss me
& Im not saying that Ill be here waiting

Since we here right now (instead of just walking out)
Let's work to reach the point that I know we can be ?

[Chorus: (Both)]
But if you believe, you'll do best without me
Then I guess I'll let you go
Its over (its over)
If you wanna say goodbye
Lets give it a try
If you leave, then baby I'll leave
I'll Let it go, its over
I have no doubt
That we can work it out

If you believe, you'll do best without me
I'll let it go girl, its over
Before we say goodbye
Lets give it a try
If you leave, then baby I'll leave


**J holiday: Without You ( Kinda old but still a HOT joint!!)
It's crazy how I'm seeing you
'cause I just told your little cousin the other day
I need to speak to you
girl how you doing, how you been
let's get all of that all the way
I got permission to say
I heard you had a baby on me
is that the truth?
or is the block just hating on me
and I ain't tripping if you got your self a man
girl 'cause I can change that given have a chance

[Chorus:]
first let me apologize for anything I did that made you cry
I know you don't wanna hear this song
but I promise I won't take too long
I need for you to hear the rest
at least I got it off my chest
don't walk away
'cause if you do you'll miss the best part
of what I gotta say
Baby I want to go back in time
to the first time, get it right
I'm sorry
And my life is nothing without you, baby
My life is nothing without you
My life is nothing without you

I know that it was hard for you
and I know that you were hungry for love
girl and I was starving you
and it was childish I admit
how i tried to get you back for everything you did
girl I would have never packed up and bounced
if you ain't feel the need to go sneaking around
and I'm sure you wouldn't have checked my messages
If I would've been honest about where I've been

[Chorus]

Baby I want, to go back in time
to the first time, get it right
to the first time, and get it right
Baby I want, to go back in time
to the first time, get it right
'cause I'm Sorry
And my life is nothing without you
nothing without you baby
nothing without you baby
nothing without you baby


>>Neyo: Single (I LOVEEEE THIS SONG it is so cute!!!)
Yeah...
Ahhh..
Hey hey hey

[Rap]
Everybody in the club right now, tell the dj to turn it loud
Baby girl this your favorite song, Baby girl it's your favorite song
This for girls who got their own car, this for girls who got their own crib
This for girls who got their own shhhhh... (1, 2, 3, 4)

[Ne-Yo]
If you came here by yourself tonight,
Cause' he wouldn't pick up the phone,
He was supposed to bring you here tonight,
Couldn't find him so you came alone.
It don't matter cause' you're here now, and the music you're enjoying
So for the next couple minutes
Baby imma be your boyfriend.

Pretty mama if you're single (hey), single,
You don't got to be alone tonight
So while the DJ play that single (hey), single
Just pretend that I'm you're man tonight

See you don't got to be alone, I'll be your boyfriend
See you don't got to be alone, girl I'll be your boyfriend
See you don't got to be alone, baby I'll be your boyfriend
Ooo be your boyfriend till the song goes off

See you don't got to be alone, I'll be your boyfriend
See you don't got to be alone, girl I'll be your boyfriend
See you don't got to be alone, baby I'll be your boyfriend
Ooo be your boyfriend till the song goes off
Oooo (ooooo)
Ooooo (ooooo)
Ooooo (ooooo)
Hey, Be your boyfriend till the song goes off

He don't tell you that you're beautiful (beautiful), let me tell you to the beat
He don't tell you that he love you girl (loves you girl), let me sing it in a harmony
Let my song get you higher (higher), we don't have to come back down (Nooo)
And if ever you should miss me (miss me), just tell the DJ run it back now (ohhh)

Pretty mama if you're single (hey), single,
You don't got to be alone tonight
So while the DJ run this single (hey), single
Just pretend that I'm you're man tonight

See you don't got to be alone, I'll be your boyfriend
See you don't got to be alone, girl I'll be your boyfriend
See you don't got to be alone, baby I'll be your boyfriend
Ooo be your boyfriend till the song goes off

See you don't got to be alone, I'll be your boyfriend
See you don't got to be alone, girl I'll be your boyfriend
See you don't got to be alone, baby I'll be your boyfriend
Ooo be your boyfriend till the song goes off
Oooo (ooooo)
Ooooo (ooooo)
Ooooo (ooooo)
Hey be your boyfriend till the song goes off
Oooo (ooooo)
Ooooo (ooooo)
Ooooo (ooooo)
Be your boyfriend till the song goes off


Well those are just some of the songs im feeling at the moment. Some are old, some are new. BUt yeah it is what it is be back next week with more for ya>>

Revelations....

Its so funny how i can be so naive sometimes.
So blind to reality.
Because sometimes i try so hard to see the good in people even though it might not even be there.
Im just too stubborn to realize the abundance of flaws that they have.
I need to grow up.
I need to learn from my mistakes.
Everything happens for a reason.
And like my friend said....you are supposed to use your experiences to learn and grow, you cant take the easy way out.
Life will throw you some curve balls but you just have to know how to manuever around them and not get hit the next time.
I just wish i could find a dude thats on my level.
Someone just as intelligent.
Who wants to be successful and do something with his life.
I was lying to myself and being stupid thinking he would change and get better if i gave him time.
We all know that was never going to happen.
If a man wants to change he will.
It has to be because he wants to.
You cant make a man do anything.
So i need to just do me and accomplish great things.
Then when the time is right...just like my friend said...the right person will come along.
A quote once said something like this: happiness is like a butterfly if you chase it , it eludes you, but if you wait for it to come your way it will stay.
I think thats true.
Its time for me to learn to be happy alone, because if you are not happy alone when will you be happy?
That means accepting my flaws and improving my strengths.
Because at the end of the day im more good than bad.
Im tired of waiting for someone else to acknowledge that.
Its time for me to realize that.
Another quote once said:everything will be okay in the end...if its not the okay then its not the end.
So im going forward, not looking back.
Its time to continue my journey.
Theres one thing i learned from this, never let a man stop you from growing or being who you were meant to be.
If he cant accept everything about you, then he dont deserve you.
Its a whole package deal.
he cant pick and choose.

Pet peeves (Its time for me to get on my soapbox>> LOL :-] )

Time for another lovely edition of My Pet peeves: It seems like every week, shoot every day i find more and more things that irk my soul. So here they are.

1) Why must people be secretaries? This truly irks my soul. If someone has something to say why cant they say it themselves? Why must you have a messenger? Be man or woman enough to speak your mind and tell me the truth. keep it 100 with me and ill do the same with you. Point blank.

2) Why do people continue to wear shorts and flipflops when its December, it rains, it snows and its colder than a mug? I dont get it. Are they immune to the cold or they just dont care if they get sick? Which one? Whatever the reason is its still stupid put on some clothes and you wont be hacking up a lung...LMAO.

3)Why do people want you to listen to their story or problem but when you talk they go on to another topic? I mean dont even come at me like that. Be respectful to me or i have no words for you. If you listen to me, ill listen to you. I hate it when it feels like im talking to myself. thats probably b/c i am. nobody really cares about your issues. they are too caught up in their bs and they are too egocentric to take time to listen to others. Thats the main reason i say you know what forget it...ill just write...it solves the problem. i dont have to worry if it(the computer LOL) listens it(the computer) just takes it all in. LOL writing keeps me sane....

4)Why must men play games? If you know you dont care just say that so i dont get my heart trampled. Just let me know from the start : "Okay,im a bser and i dont care and i never will". then i will know to do my own thing and have a back up plan. It would save so much time and energy and prevent all the heartache. Just keep it 100 and there will be no problems. At least give me the opportunity to protect myself.

5)Why do men lie? If there is something i should know just tell me. I wont bite. I might get mad, thats expected but at least ill know and ill learn from it. Then ill be prepared the next time it happens. I cant say i didnt know. B/c lets face it its inevitable. Men lie. So once again let me get myself ready and maybe it wont hurt so bad... ya dig?

6)Why do we still have school a week before finals? This is so ridiculous. I mean how in the world do you expect me to study for your last test/quiz, do a million papers and mini projects, and still be ready for 3-4 finals in the next breath? i need time to recover. I seriously wish they would get rid of fall break, make thanksgiving break longer so you have a wk between the break and when school starts again to do all the crap and study for all the tests when you come back; then you should get the wk before finals off(the wk you come back from thanksgiving should be the last wk) that way you can really prepare instead of cramming. Its really not constructive or conducive to passing b/c you are so stressed and you have so much bs to do its not even funny.

7)Why do some teachers insist on making you stay the whole allotted time while others casually let you out early? I mean damn are you really gonna learn that much in the last 5-10 mins? They need a life.

8)Why does it seem like the night goes by too fast even when you go to bed early enough? I mean i sleep 8hrs or 5hrs and i still feel the same: i still dont feel like getting up. LOL

9) Why does the last week of school go so slowly? I really need this wk to be over. I need some serious downtime i am truly stressed to the nth degree.

10)Finally, on a funny note why does it seem like when you procrastinate you are so much more productive then when you start early? LOL i mean i had a paper due tues and actually didnt type it til 1am that morning. It took me til 3am to finish but it was good and it was pretty long.(8pgs LOL).I dont know why but it seems like im just like my dad i work well under pressure. i get lazy when i start something early. i have to be under some pressure....like its due the next day or the test is the next day to really be productive..LOL aint that crazy?

Well thats it for this week but trust and believe theres more where that came from. :-)

Lyrics Im Feeling :-0

++Beyonce: Scared of Lonely

(Different but im feeling it)

I'm in this fight, and I'm swinging and my arms are getting tired
It's hard, I'm trying to beat this emptiness but I'm running out of time
I'm sinking in the sand, and I can barely stand
I'm lost in this dream, I need you to hold me
I'm scared of lonely
I try to be patient, but I'm hurting deep inside
And I can't keep waiting, I need comfort late at night
And I can't find my way, won't you lead me home
Cause I'm lost in this dream, I need you to hold me

I'm scared of lonely
And I'm scared of being the only shadow I see along the wall
And I'm scared the only heartbeat I hear beating is my own
And I'm scared of being alone
I can't seem to breathe when I am lost in this dream, I need you to hold me
I'm scared of lonely
I'm scared of lonely.....

I cry at night, 'cause my baby's too far to be by my side
To wipe away these tears of mine, so I hold my pillow tight
To imagine you would stretch your hand looking for mine
'Cause I'm lost in this dream , I need you to hold me

I'm scared of lonely
And I'm scared of being the only shadow I see along the wall
And I'm scared the only heartbeat I hear beating is my own
And I'm scared of being alone
I can't seem to breathe when I am lost in this dream, I need you to hold me

I need your strength when nobody is around
'Cause I'm tired of this emptiness, I think I'm drowning
I can't be lonely no more
Cause I'm lost in this dream, I need you to hold me

I'm scared of lonely
And I'm scared of being the only shadow I see along the wall
And I'm scared the only heartbeat I hear beating is my own
And I'm scared of being alone
I can't seem to breathe when I am lost in this dream, I need you to hold me
I'm scared of lonely
I'm scared of lonely.....


**Keyshia Cole: Thought you had my back

(throwback but still hot!!; and so true)

Verse 1]

Every girls got to go through it and every man has to go through it its a thing called love.
Listen to me now Listen to me.
I still remember the day that you said you was a badboy.
Man I should have listened when you said you was a bad boy.
You took control of me I thought you would change for me.
Everything different now reminiscing ain't the same boy,
How I let you come and hurt me like this boy.
This boy, I am open now I want to get away but you are forcing me to stay.

[Chorus]
Love I thought you had my back this time but man I am wrong this time.
It's a thing called
(thought you had my back)
Love I thought you had my back this time, but man I am wrong this time,.
It's a thing called Love.

I loved you for your ways but your ways hurt me bad boy.
Hurt me so bad why you want to see me sad boy, I am tired of crying over you
but I miss you so much I don't know what to do seems that I gotta move on
live life with out cha, but every time someone comes around to talk about you
I get feelings inside again I wanna be right back by your side again.

[Chorus]

Ooh ooh ooh You got me ya, ooh You got me ooh ooh, You got me ya, oooh.
And I don't know what to do. I thought you had my back I am so wrong I am so wrong.

Ya its all good though sometimes in life you know situations
come your way you just gotta make good decisions man,
You know you gotta know your focus in life and if love is your focus then man pay attention.

You got me ya. I am so stuck right here.

>>Brandy: I Tried

(another banger....and so true!!)

First Verse]
I’m sittin' home on a cold day
Underneath the covers like a little baby
Think I wanna hear some Coldplay
Especially that song when the man says

[Bridge]
'Did I drive you away?'
I know what you’ll say
Oh I know
I know all about your ways
What you do
When you’re gone
And I knew
All along
And they say people change
So I, tried to look the other way

[Chorus 2x]
I tried to be blind to your game
Deep down, I knew
Shoulda left your side in the first place
But I thought I’d be cool

[Second Verse]
All I can see is yo-ur face
Givin’ my lovin away at some woman’s place
Maybe I should get up and go wash my face
Cryin’ never kept you at home anyway

[Bridge]
Did I drive you away? (No I didn’t but you said it)
I know what you’ll say
Oh I know
I know all about your ways
What you do
When you’re gone
And I knew
All along
And they say people change
So I, tried to look the other way

[Chorus]
I tried to be blind to your game (Tried to be blind, yeah)
Deep down I knew [Deep down I knew, inside oh]
Shoulda left your side in the first place
But I thought I’d be cool

[Chorus]
I tried to be blind to your game (I tried to be blind)
Deep down I knew (but I knew it, oh oh oh oh)
Shoulda left your side in the first place
But I thought I’d be cool

[Bridge 2]
And all you spent
The calls you get
And the rooms and sh!!
And I knew
You had a b!tch
I hated it
That’s what I get

[Chorus out]

~Toni Braxton: STupid

(I LOVE Love Love this song....this made that scene in Diary of a mad black woman where she sees the newly engaged couple and then takes off her ring and finishes her drink...thats my movie...LOL; this is so true!!!)

Loving you is stupid
Cause I know that you never really loved me
And you never gave me signs Id see
That you and me were ever a possibility
And I feel so stupid
After all the noise you left me lonely to die
And you never gave me a reason why
And now Im sittin all alone and I cry

Am I stupid
I shouldve known you were only playing a game
And you and me would never be the same
You made me feel like Im the one to blame
And I feel so stupid
After all those nights after nights that I tried
And all those conversations of lies
And Im sittin here all alone and Im cryin

Im crying....

I cant believe you never knew how I felt
All this love and baby no one else
Could ever love me the way that you do
Youre all I need and you treated me so wrong
And I cant believe it
How could you do me like you do
Cause Ive been so stupid for you

Why do you do me like you do
You baby, You darlin
You baby, You darlin
You dont care
Im stupid baby, Im stupid darlin
For you

And Im the one played
And Im the one left with all the shame
Im stupid baby, Stupid darlin


+++Well thats where i am this week empowered but still somewhat docile..look out for a new blog in a sec...

My Love Language ♥

Well all of the questions didnt apply but i do agree with what they came up with.

I feel loved when...

The Five Love Languages

My Primary Love Language is Quality Time

My Detailed Results:
Quality Time:	9
Physical Touch:	8
Words of Affirmation:	6
Receiving Gifts:	3
Acts of Service:	3

About this quiz

Unhappiness in relationships is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. It can be helpful to know what language you speak and what language those around you speak.

Tag 3 people so they can find out what their love language is.

Take the Quiz!
Check out the Book

Why?

I was so lost.
So naive.
So blind
So in love.
But now i see the reality.
But now im still in love.
But this is different.
I wanted to believe you so bad.
I wanted to love you and look past everything bad.
I wanted to be there for you.
But now its up to you.
Im subtracting myself from this equation.
You decide what you want.
I gotta do whats best for me.
I have made my decision.
I just cant believe that this is happening.
Its like the world is my enemy.
Nothing is going my way.
everything i believed in is a lie.
So now i gotta start from scratch.
I thought i was growing but now it feels like im going backwards.
I just wish you would love me and be with me or leave me alone.
Either tell me the truth or nothing at all.
ANd you wonder why i dont tell you nothing.
You dont tell me nothing but you want my life story.
This aint a one way street. You gotta meet me halfway.
It feels like im living a nightmare that never ends.
I thought you were different but i guess i thought wrong.
I should have gotten the hints...
I should have noticed the comparisons...
I should have noticed everything but i was so blind.
I love you but i dont know what to do or think anymore.
I just cant put myself through this.
It hurts too bad.
Its making me sad.
I need to be happy.
I put so much time in with you just for you to play me.
At least be man enough to tell me yourself.
Im really not feeling the secretaries...You have a mouth.
Use it and tell me how you really feel.
I try to tell you stuff now and its like whatever...
I mean whats the point?
Saying nothing worked better.
I guess you were right.
I just didnt want to believe you.
I loved you, scratch that, love you so much none of that matters.
I just want to be with you.
I only care about you.
When you want to talk and come correct, you know where to find me....
Until then i have no words for you...

What Happened?

What happened to the man i loved?
The man i thought was sent from up above.
What happened to the man that called me everyday?
The man that showed me love in every way?
What happened to the man that told me how he felt?
The man that made my heart melt.
What happened to the man that made me smile?
The man that talked on the phone for more than a while.
What happened to the man that loved me?
The man that said he doesnt know what he would do without me?
What happened to the warm, caring, man i used to know?
The man that would never let me go.
Or was all this just an illusion?
Am i just crazy?
It seems like you are so different.
Im not the same person i was before either.
But i just dont know.
Its killing me that you are not talking to me.
Loving me.
Chilling with me.
Just being with me.
I dont know what to do.
Im just so lost without you.
All i wanna know is what happened to that man?

just some thoughts floating around in my head.....♥ :-/

Well im kinda sad. Im overworked. My head is killing me. Im sleep-deprived. Im always in my own world. Thats all i do is think about stuff. Whats due tomorrow? What do i have to start? What do i have to read for this class? Am i really in love or is it just lust? Why do i love him so much? Why cant i get him off my mind? Why do i want to cry sometimes when i think about it? Why am i so antisocial sometimes and so outspoken at other times? Why do i care about him so much but then again hate him at the same time? Is this what love really is? Is this what it does to you? Does it consume you, mind, body and spirit? Does it make you want to crawl up in a corner and cry because you miss him so much? Does it make you want to think about him and nothing else even though you have a ton of other things to do? Does it make you love him even more even when he hurts you? Do you always have to talk to him, everyday? Do you tell all your friends about him? Do you write poems about him? Do you get mad at him but you cant stay mad? Do you want him so much you cant even conceive the thought of being with somebody else? Does your blood boil knowing that he may find somebody else but you know they arent as good as you in any way, so you put up a nonchalant front? Does every conversation turn into a conversation about him? Do you feel happy as soon as he calls? Do you smile when you hear his voice? Do you count the seconds, minutes, hours, days, and maybe even weeks till you see him again? Do you constantly think about the times you have shared? Do you want him back more than anything in the world? Theres so much more i can say but i think this about sums it up. I mean what more can i say? I just wish he would forgive me and call me. I just want him to be in my life. But i cant force him to do anything, he has to make that decision, so until then i just have to learn to distract myself and be productive. But if that time never comes then ill know the reality of the situation that i thought was true love. Ill know that everything we had is gone. Ill know that its true what they say: good things dont last forever so enjoy them while you can. Ill just know. I wont have to wonder anymore. I just wish and pray and hope that im wrong. I hope he still cares, deep down inside. I hope he calls. I hope he still loves me. I hope he comes back. I hope he still wants to be in my life. I just want to hope again. I just want to believe again. I honestly lost hope and faith in love. He broke my heart when he said those words. I just want him to be the one to pick up the pieces and put it back together.

Lyrics im feeling :-)

Current mood: artistic Category: ambivalent,calm Music

+SIngle Ladies(Put A Ring On It): Beyonce
All the single ladies (All the single ladies)All the single ladies (All the single ladies)All the single ladies (All the single ladies)All the single ladiesNow put your hands up[Verse 1]Up in the club, we just broke up I'm doing my own little thing You decided to dip but now you wanna trip Cuz another brother noticed me I'm up on him, he up on me dont pay him any attention Cuz I cried my tears, for three good years Ya can't be mad at me [Chorus] Cuz if you liked it then you should have put a ring on it If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it Don't be mad once you see that he want it If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on itWuh uh oh uh uh oh oh uh oh uh uh ohWuh uh oh uh uh oh oh uh oh uh uh ohCuz if you liked it then you should have put a ring on it If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it Don't be mad once you see that he want it If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it[Verse 2]I got gloss on my lips, a man on my hips Hold me tighter than my Dereon jeans Acting up, drink in my cup I could care less what you think I need no permission, did I mention Dont pay him any attention Cuz you had your turn And now you gon learn What it really feels like to miss me [Chorus]Wuh uh oh uh uh oh oh uh oh uh uh ohWuh uh oh uh uh oh oh uh oh uh uh oh[Bridge]Don't treat me to these things of the world I'm not that kind of girl Your love is what I prefer, what I deserve Is a man that makes me then takes me And delivers me to a destiny, to infinity and beyond Pull me into your arms Say I'm the one you own If you don't, you'll be alone And like a ghost I'll be gone All the single ladies (All the single ladies)All the single ladies (All the single ladies)All the single ladies (All the single ladies)All the single ladiesNow put your hands upWuh uh oh uh uh oh oh uh oh uh uh ohWuh uh oh uh uh oh oh uh oh uh uh ohCuz if you liked it then you should have put a ring on it If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it Don't be mad once you see that he want it If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it [repeat]Wuh uh oh

>> If This Isn't Love: Jennifer Hudson
I'm calling this fone up just keep tellin how muchI really love him cause he's everything I wantHe listens to me, cares for meSo why'd you leaving me?God sent me an angel up from aboveTo love me for lifeThings would be perfectOnly because it's the only wayI can describe and say[Chorus:]If this isn't loveSee what it is, is like I'd be dreaming and just playin crazyIf this isn't loveSee what it is, cause I never felt like this babyIf this isn't loveL-o-v-e what is (in) me?L-o-v-e Oh...If this isn't love [x2][Verse 2:]I'm selfish cause I don't wanna shareWhen nobody not even knowsPeople that came before meBut see I ever believe.God sent me an angel up from aboveTo love me for lifeThings would be perfectOnly because it's the only wayI can describe and say[Chorus:]If this isn't loveSee what it is, it's like I'd be dreaming and just playin crazy, (oh)If this isn't love (No)See what it is, cause I never felt like this babyIf this isn't loveL-o-v-e what is (in) me?L-o-v-e Oh...If this isn't love [x2]So if you got real loveLet me see you put your hands upSee you put your hands upThe kind of love that beatsWild like a clubLet me see you put your hands upSee you put your hands up, if this isn't loveCause I know I ain't crazyI know I ain't trippinI know I ain't sleepinI know that it's loveSee me with my hands upIf you think I'm dreaminI know I ain't dreaminCause this reason maybeAnd I know what is loveIf this isn't love...[Chorus: till end]

Im feeling kinda ambivalent so yeah it is what it is...:-) LOL

Lyrics im feeling: NEyo

Current mood: artistic Category: real, truthful Music

NEYo: MAKE it work

Ooh uh ooh,ooh uh ooh yeih yehYou understand meAt least you say you doLately thats enough for meLooking for perfectSurrounded by artificialYou're the closest thing to real i've seenSure, everyone has their problemsThats a givenYours are the easiest to tolerateThis wasn't what we was wantingHow we're livingBut let's take this good enough and turn it to greatBaby understand...This can only be as good as we both make itGuess sometimes its gonna hurt (yes sometimes its gonna hurt)We can be as happy as we want to be girlBut we gotta make it workWe gotta make it work...Ay oh ay oh ohWe gotta make it work...Ay oh ay oh ohWe gotta make it work...Ay oh ay oh ohWe gotta make it work...Ay oh ay oh ohSometimes i love youMore than you'll ever knowOther times you get on my nerves (hey)That's just realityNo, it can't always beKisses, hugs, and beautiful wordsYou was looking for your prince,oohWhat you found (wat u found)Is a pauper with potentialAnd no, i'm nowhere near perfect..NOBut i'm around (but im around)Girl, time and patience is essentialBaby realize...This can only be as good as we both make itGuess sometimes its gonna hurt (guess sometimes its gonna hurt)We can be as happy as we want to be girlBut we gotta make it workWe gotta make it work...Ay oh ay oh ohWe gotta make it work...Ay oh ay oh ohWe gotta make it work...Ay oh ay oh ohWe gotta make it work...Ay oh ay oh ohThick and thin, (ooh)The bad outweighs the good sometimesThat doesn't mean we're 'spose to give it upMy problems are yours,and yours are mineThis can only be as good as we both make itGuess sometimes its gonna hurt (guess sometimes its gonna hurt)We can be as happy as we want to be girlBut we gotta make it workWe gotta make it work...Ay oh ay oh ohWe gotta make it work...Ay oh ay oh ohWe gotta make it work...Ay oh ay oh ohWe gotta make it work...Ay oh ay oh oh

NeyO: Mad

Oooo oooo ooooOooo oooo ummmShe's staring at me, I'm sitting wondering what she's thinkingUmmm Nobody's talking, cause' talking just turns into screaming (Oooo)And now yes I'm yelling over her, she yelling over me,all that that means is neither of us are listening,and what's even worse, that we don't even remember why we're fightingSo both of us are mad for nothing, (fighting for)nothing, (crying for)nothing, (oohh)When we won't let it go for nothing, (come back for)nothing,it should be nothingto a love like what we got oh babyI know some times it's gonna rain,But baby can we make up nowcause' I can't sleep through the pain (can't sleep through the pain)girl I don't want to go to bed, mad at youand I don't want you to go to bed, mad at meno I don't want to go to bed mad at youand I don't want you to go to bed, mad at me (oh noo)Ummand it gets me upset girl when you're constantly accusing(asking questions like you already know)hey we're fighting this war when both of us are losing(this ain't the way that love is supposed to go, whatever happened to working it out?)We fall into this place where you ain't backing down, and I ain't backing down,so what the hell do we do now?So both of us are mad for nothing, (fighting for)nothing, (crying for)nothing... (oohh)When we won't let it go for nothing,nothing,it should be nothingto a love like what we got oh babyI know some times it's gonna rain,But baby can we make up nowcause' I can't sleep through the pain (can't sleep through the pain)girl I don't want to go to bed mad at youand I don't want you to go to bed, mad at meno I don't want to go to bed mad at youand I don't want you to go to bed, mad at me (oh noo)Oh baby this love ain't gone be perfect, (perfect perfect oh no)And just how good it's gonna beWe can fuss and we can fight long as everything is alright between us before we go to sleep...Baby we're gonna be...Yah.... Baby....ohhhh....ohhhhI know some times it's gonna rain,But baby can we make up nowcause' I can't sleep through the pain (can't sleep through the pain)girl I don't want to go to bed mad at youand I don't want you to go to bed, mad at meno I don't want to go to bed mad at youand I don't want you to go to bed, mad at me (oh noo, nooo, noo)

I just found these lyrics to be true....i like what hes saying.

What ASJ Is Thankful For

1) Im thankful for being alive. Just the fact that god saw fit to wake me up this morning is truly a blessing.

2) Im thankful for my family. They are always there for me no matter what.

3) Im thankful for my friends. The true ones are the ones i cherish. They are the greatest.

4) Im thankful for my boo.

5) Im thankful for a house to live in that has heat and running water as well as electricity LOL.

6)Im thankful for all the material things god has blessed me and my family with. Even though those things dont count. Its the intangible things that really matter like love, trust, respect, honesty, etc.

7) Im thankful for the fact that i can attend college. Not many people can say that. Also not many people have the grades for it. So im thankful for brains too.

8) Im thankful for food to eat.

9) im thankful that i have clothes to wear.

10) Im thankful that i have faith in god because without god in my life i really dont know where i'd be.

11) Im thankful for this year. there have been many ups and downs but i have truly learned alot about myself and others and i dont regret a thing.

12) Im thankful that i am who i am and blessed that god chose me to be me. (If that makes any sense).

13) Im thankful that im almost done another semester and im not doing badly. LOL

14) Im thankful for whats yet to come because im still young and theres much more to be explored.

15) Im thankful for the fact that i am relatively healthy. I am doing well.

16) Im thankful for the people that came before me because they truly paved the way so that i can make my journey. (Barack oBaMA is just one of those people and im so proud that i got to be apart of history and see something as wonderful as him becoming president take place.)

17) Im thankful for life as it comes. it may not always be what i want or expect but nonetheless its life.

18) Im thankful for my talents. I can play the violin. I can write. I can sing okay...(LOL). Im a very creative and intuitive person.

19) Im thankful for education because without it i would not be the person i am. i wouldnt know what i know. I wouldnt have learned so much.

20) Finally im thankful for my beauty. For how unique i am. There is nobody like me because god made me that way. I may not be a model but im nowhere near ugly. LOL

Now what are you thankful for?

I really dont know anymore.... ;-(

Current mood: artistic Category: confused, frustrated, contemplating Romance and Relationships
I really dont get whats goin on right now. I mean first you say i shouldnt change then you say i should. I mean i never really thought i had so many things wrong with me until i spoke my mind and you were "enlightened" or whatever. I mean there are so many reasons why i felt as though i couldnt spill my guts. But ill stick with just a few. First, i didnt know how long it would last so should i really pour my heart out just for you to leave? Second, i didnt know if you could handle it seeing as we didnt and probably still dont, know each other like that despite how long we have been talking. Third, i was always told by my friends, gmom, and mama as well that you should never ever tell a man everything. So when you say i should feel comfortable, i didnt because then you would know every thing and every part about me and there would be no mystery. There would be nothing to discover. I would be vulnerable. You might take advantage of something i told you and use it against me. How do i know? I mean i thought men liked not knowing everything. If you know everything about somebody would you really still like them? Would you really still see them the same way? Would you really still care? I just never thought i could because when you tell all your business, its your fault when you get hurt. And i know you say you wouldnt hurt me, i can trust you, you are not going anywhere. But its just that i never had what i had with you before. I never had these feelings. Well if i did, they were never as real as they are for you. I feel as though, I need to grow and now you agree. It would also help if i had more experience with relationships, i would know how to act. I mean i never had a man treat me like you do. i never felt the way i feel about you. Now i realize that i was holding back because i was scared. Scared to get hurt. I was scared to fall too hard and you wouldnt be there to catch me. I just need that reassurance i guess. I have a few issues i guess: for starters, i nag too much, i keep everything to myself, i dont trust people, i get hype over petty stuff, im too defensive, i dont know how to be loose, i dont know. Theres probably more but i cant think right now. All i know is i love you and nothin or noone could change that. I just wish you knew. Something else i know is that with this new knowledge, i can be a better person, i can treat you better and love you better. If you want me to. It seems as if you are too quick to think that i dont want you, just because theres a song on my page or a particular sticker. Or because i dont talk to you. Or i dont call. Really most of that is just plain old day to day moodiness and being busy with school and other day-to-day stuff. Everybody has their days. Somedays they feel good other days they dont. Im just a very expressive person, So if i feel a certain way...you'll know because of my music or my stickers, or my blog or my status. But make no mistake none of this defines me. If you really wanna know me, talk to me. Ask me questions. Be real. I mean dont assume. Dont jump to conclusions from what you see. Get to know the real me. Thats all i ask.
But heres a lil something that i wanna share with you: (writing as i go, just see what you think...(for my boo he knows who he is ♥):
I love you with no end in sight.
I love with all my might.
You correct me when im wrong.
When im weak you make me strong.
When im blind you help me see.
When im lost you find me.
I love you so much its crazy.
I dont know what i would do if you werent my baby.
I truly need you in my life.
I just want to be your wife.
I know ive said it time and time again.
But baby you are my boo and my friend.
My love for you has no end.
This love is unconditional.
Its so deep i can feel it in my veins.
Each time i close my eyes i can see your face.
Just as clear as day.
When im sad you make the tears fade away.
You bring a smile to my face.
You make my heart smile.
You make me feel good.
I never want to be without you.
I love the way you do.
What you do.
I love who you are.
Even with your flaws.
You are so raw.
You are so real.
I love how you make me say what i feel.
I love that you want me to tell you the deal.
I love being in your presence.
Theres no better feeling.
Whenever you're around im so high i can touch the ceiling.
Its like everything else is a blur and i zoom in on you.
With your smooth brown skin and nice brown eyes.
Sometimes they be having me hynoptized.
I love how i can forget all about the stress.
And then im submerged in unlimited happiness.
Whenever you come around i never want you to leave.
You gotta know that if you split, i would sure grieve.
I love the way you kiss me with those smooth, lovely lips.
I love the sweet things you say.
I love when i get to hug you.
I love when you stare at me like im the prettiest girl you ever seen.
I love how when i stare at you it feels like im in a dream.
A dream that i never want to end.
A dream that is too good to be pretend.
It has to be reality.
It must be actuality.
Theres no other way to explain it.
Theres always a thought of you on my brain.
Im always smiling.
I can just think for hours. I can forget all about my hw.
But its okay cause i got you.
You make me happy.
Please believe it.
Its you i want.
Its you i need in my life.
I love you I love you I Love you I love YOU I Love YOU I LOVE YOU>>> Have i made myself clear???

Im feeling some type of way....

Well...well..well. I dont know what to say. But i feel as though my back is up against the wall. I feel as though i trusted you and believed in you so much. I feel as though i love you unconditionally and regardless of what happens. I love the way you make me feel. But then again i hate when you do things that are so predictable or things that make me rethink my decisions. For instance, i said to myself. Okay he has flaws but i can look past those because i love him. I said he is cute but i know i shouldnt think that thats gonna make everything better. I know i love him but sometimes that gets in the way of my better judgement. Im just having one of those, i told you so, or i knew this was too good to be true moments. Thats why each time this happens, i build a higher and higher wall to protect myself. Thats why i act the way i do. I always think i can trust you and believe you but im never completely sure cause of stuff like this. I do know that i want an explanation and then maybe ill consider talking to you. But until then....i dont know what to say... I mean its obvious how you feel...or am i wrong? Please let me know. I mean i dont want to jump to any wrong conclusions. I mean ive tried us time and time again and each time something goes wrong. Is this a sign? Let me know..... There has to be a reasonable explanation. I wont bite. I promise ill listen because i respect you and care about you and love you enough to do that. I cant promise i wont be mad or jealous because thats inevitable considering the circumstances(well at least what i think happened, idk). Anyway thats how i feel.

things on my mind....♥

Okay so i finally got to see the love of my life. And i have to say it was pure bliss. I didnt want him to leave. It was the best. I just love being in his presence. He always makes me feel so good. But then out of nowhere he always has to screw it up just a little bit. Like i know its petty but i expect you to call me at least once a day. I mean so at least ill know you are alive and well even if we only talked for a millisecond. It just hurts when he ignores my calls all day and then he finally answers and he cant even talk. He just doesnt know how much i love him. He dont know how many times, just like right now, when i should be doing my work im thinkin about him or listening to a song that makes me think about him. He doesnt know that i smile when i think about him. He doesnt know that i love him for who he is not what he has. Because if that was the case i wouldnt still be with him. It just feels natural when im with him. i dont have to try hard. Of course its gon take some getting used to, i mean with us finally hangin out and all im gon have to get used to how he operates. I just hope i get the chance to get used to him. To know things that nobody else knows. To anticipate things to feel good when he feels good and feel for him when hes low. I just want to know him inside and out.(no pun intended, LOL) I just want to be that one for him. I think i already am. All i know is i love him and i really wish i could hang with him like everyday. When i was with him i forgot all about what i had to do when i got back to my room. I forgot where i was for a minute. I didnt have a headache anymore. I was cheesing like the whole time. He calms me down. He makes me feel so good. Im just so happy to have him in my life and i dont want to ever let him go. I wished he coulda spent the night. (LOL) I really did enjoy chillin with my bookie butt... LOL (thats what we call each other LOL ). I love him. Thats all i can say. There are no more words.

update

I have been so tired lately. I think i need to take a nap. I really feel like so drained. I have been trying to keep up with school and all the deadlines. And even during a week like this week, i still cant get any real downtime. I dont have any tests for like 10 days but nonetheless, theres still a lot to be done. Its like the work never ends. The only things that keep me goin are my drive to succeed and graduate with honors, the fact that i want to be somebody in life and the fact that we will be on thanksgiving and christmas break soon. I just cant wait to sleep all day. I just want a day where i dont have to worry about doin nothin i dont have to stress about whats due and when and how im gonna get it done. I just want to be able to relax. School is really taking a toll on me right now physically, mentally, and emotionally.

In other news, life is okay. I see that not everybody is a hater. I have love in my life. I have my family. I have some friends. I just wish i had some money. Its amazing how powerful money is. Really. Like if you dont have it so many things go wrong. So many things cant get done. It makes you stress it can make you happy it can make you sad. You can take it for granted or you can appreciate it. It really is a significant thing.

On to other things....

I really want some excitement in my life man. It feels like all i do is get up, get dressed, go to class, eat, study, eat, go to bed, and get up and do it all over again. Its crazy man. im so tired of the monotany. Im bored.

Well thats it for today...

a few more things you should know about ASJ/ i just wish i knew

>>ToDAyS NuMeRo UNO ISSue:

Okay heres a few more of my pet peeves and a few of my loves. (you know i have to keep it balanced)

1) First of all I just wanna to say im ECSTATIC that BarACK OBAMA is our president not just because hes black but because i believe he is the best man for the job. NOw let me get to the point: ALL yall HAters need to stop hatin you know who you are. HEs president. Yes, hes black, and hes going to make a difference so get over it and embrace him. It shouldnt be about his color it should be about the fact that hes different. hes tryin to make changes that will make the world a better place. you may disagree with them or you may agree, but ultimately people have to learn to respect the man. I know the main aggregate of haters cant relate so thats why you hate. You think thats he incompetent because of his color and you dont like change you want to stay complacent. However we, his supporters believe that he is competent regardless of his color so stop the drama.

2) I hate hypocrites. dont tell me that i shouldnt be doing something and you sit there and do it yourself. For example dont tell me what i should or shouldnt be eating because 1, you are not my mama and 2 thats not your place especially if you gon sit there and eat the same thing im eating. Just dont play yourself cause im not with it.

3) I hate when people act like its the end of the world because they have been through something. Alot of people go through things but usually (unless you have just been dealt a bad hand or did not play your cards right), it gets worse before it gets better. I believe that god will never put more on you than you can bear. You just have to keep the faith, keep your head up and keep praying. And listen up, having a pity party doesnt solve anything. But neither does pretending you are okay. Just talk to someone you trust and try to get through it just dont try to deal alone. regardless of how cold the world is there is one soul on this earth that genuinely cares about you and will listen and be there to help you through your situation. Do something about it, dont wallow in it or dwell on it. Take positive action. *believe me ive been low probably not at my lowest but ive been low so i can relate for the most part and i have 2 people in my life who always do this*

4) I hate when people act like they dont remember you when you were together for more than a month...I mean for real was i that bad that you erased me that quick and plus we email frequently? I guess all the time we spent and the kisses and the hugs meant nothing. I still wish you felt differently but i wish you the best.

5)I hate when people wont leave me alone. I mean sometimes people, especially me, need time to ourselves to just reflect, to just have some peace, solitude without any extra noise. I really enjoy that time when i do get it. Its really wonderful.

6) I hate the fact that people act like they wanna be your friend one day and the next they dont even speak. I mean either speak all the time or leave me be. I would rather have 1 good friend and a million and 1 enemies than have a million and one friends with 1 enemy. At least ill know who i can trust and depend on because the majority are fakes and the good people are one in a million really. they dont come along often. thats why i cherish my good true friends. (truthfully somedays it feels like i dont have anybody i can call a friend but i know that even my friends feel like that somedays too. i guess we all go through it and i guess it depends on how you define a friend. A friend to me is someone who loves you at your lowest and your highest and whos there for you regardless, someone you can tell anything and they wont tell the whole world, someone you go shopping with, visit all the time, spend holidays with, even maybe give them gifts (but friendship is a great gift itself !!LOL), just someone who cares when the rest of the world walks out, someone who gives great advice, someone who would sacrifice for you, someone who is true regardless of what happens. Thats a friend to me. I have a few of those. They know who they are. I guess its true that when you find a good friend hold on to them because they dont come around often.

7) I love having absolutely no tests....i love when school is over. Its so refreshin to know that the semester is over and you survived ( 1 more month and im done sophomore year fall semester!!)Its a great feeling. Then you learn so much and grow and the next semester you take that knowledge and excel and improve.

8) I love taking walks around campus. WHen its nice and quiet and the wind is blowing lightly. You can close your eyes for a brief moment and take a deep breath. You can think about everything and think about nothing. Its just you and its so peaceful. Its truly an escape. I love being out in the open air. Its the best. Especially when things are getting to you and need a break.

9) I love going home. I may have already said this but yeah. even though the minute i get there i miss being at school cause i get to be independent and free. But i will admit that i miss my big bed at home. Its so much better compared to these lil xl twins. LOL. I also miss my mamas cooking. Its the best. I miss my daddy too. LOL I guess im a daddys girl at heart. I mean sometimes you need that support you need that reassurance and nowhere else can you feel so secure and safe and loved but at home. especially when i been down or my workload is stressing me out.

10)I love being here at school. Its not the greatest but uh i manage. Its just that i feel so much independence and freedom here. i can do whatever i want. and i dont have to wash dishes thats such a bonus! LOL

11) I love life, despite the ups and downs im blessed to be alive.

12) Finally I love my boo...despite what he might think i really do care about him and im always thinkin about him. he makes me happy he makes me smile. he makes me laugh. i feel so good when i talk to him. thats how it is. he has my heart i dont know why but no matter what happens i still care. ♥

++ToDAYS numero dos issue:

I just wish i knew

Why you felt like you do.

You mean so much to me.

WHy cant you just see?

That i love you for who you are.

My love for you has me up in the stars.

You are such a good man.

ANd i just know that god has a plan.

You just gotta keep your head up.

You just gotta hold on.

I know you can do it.

You are so strong.

I know you have been through a lot.

But you are all that i got.

So please baby keep trying.

So what you are doin isnt working.

Try something new.

You might discover that you like it too.

I love you so much.

I just want you to be happy.

I just want you to stop feeling crappy.

I want you in my life.

I want to be your wife.

I know you are the one for me.

You make me oh so happy.

So baby keep on trying.

I know you can do it.

With gods help and my faith.

I know we can make it through this.

Dedicated to my boo He knows who he is.♥

A dream too long deferred has now been fulfilled!!!

Obama is the president of the united states of america!!Forget the haters who still hate. I know that this is our moment this is our time. We made history we have our first black president and we're proud and nobody can take that away from us never>>> I have had the chills since last night and i almost lost my voice from screamin. I am just so proud to be not only an african american but an american right now. He may not be the same as what the haters are used to. he may think differently and see things in a different light. He may even have different values. He definitely has a different story than most. All i know is he did it, hes more than capable. I know change wont come over night, its just naive to think that but i do believe if we continue to support him, work hard and stay determined, america will be back on its feet and we will accomplish great things. I know we can. Now just for the crazy folks....i know this has been said many times before...But dont get complacent now. Ive heard "they wouldnt give us 40 acres and a mule so we took 50 states and the white house" which is very true and accurate. However now that we have accomplished one of our ultimate goals as a people, this is not the time to become complacent and think that just because hes in there that things will change over night. theres still alot of work to be done and as we all know just being black means more pressure and havin to work 2 or 3 times as hard as the white man. But i know he can do it. I believe in him. I just wanna keep him and his family in my prayers and i wanna wish him luck in the days,weeks, months, and years to come. Also the dream has finally been realized, so dont stop here reach for a new dream and even higher aspirations and take this historic moment in and realize that it should be inspiration for you to strive to be the best you can be and to always work hard for what you want.

Whats goin on with me? More about me(as promised)

==ToDAy's NUMerO UNo ISsuE:

Okay so im kinda lost right now in my life. School is stressin me out. Like my boo keep thinkin he isnt good enough for me. He says i can do better but i dont think like that. I think hes a good person with a bad side and a good side. Speaking of that he actually made, well not made but asked me to make a list of all his good qualities and his bad qualities (kinda like in tyler perrys why did i get married( one of my fav movies btw big tyler fan :-)) and see if the good outweighed the bad or vice versa. However when i was done, there was more in the good column than the bad. But he insisted on trying to find more bad. As if he was like doing some kind of self-expose and revealing stuff that i didnt even know about him, or stuff that i knew already. It was like he wanted to get rid of me. Like he was intimidated. but he told me that he was intimidated cause im smart, beautiful and im doing something with my life and what is he doing? Its like he loves me with everything he has yet he still doubts his value/worth to me. I didnt know what to think. He made me feel bad. Speaking of that, he said it felt like i didnt believe a thing he said and that i didnt really love him. He thought like i wasnt letting him into my heart so to speak. But i told him when you been hurt and you have little experience, those few experiences dictate your future behavior, thoughts and actions towards the next "candidate"(very appropriate words seein as today is election day! yay OBAMA!!). I mean you start to believe, even though you havent been through many relationships that all men just want sex and a man will never really love you. So when one comes along that may not be perfect but has some potential and he treats you way differently than anybody else, you cant see that and it takes some assistance, and some time to get that through your head that a man can really love you and want more than sex. Also he seems to be under the impression that i am very beautiful so i get multiple and frequent opportunities to conversate and socialize with men, and he think like i get approached like all the time. Its ridiculous. I mean for real just because you are beautiful doesnt mean all men will see that and appreciate you. Because what is beautiful to one man may be unattractive to another. I mean its just not that simple. I just figure 1 men dont like me like that or 2 i dont give off the impression that i am open to be approached or 3 i dont go out enough. I mean there could be multiple reasons. I could go on forever, but the point is i really dont get that much play. So when one man comes around that i love, i stick with him and even though he may have a few flaws i learn to live with them because thats what love is. I am beginning to realize that the perfect man does not exist. Now that does not mean i am settlin or suggesting that anyone else do that. I am saying that at some point you have to stop and tell yourself that everybody have issues. Now the question is how many issues is acceptable and are you willing to live with them. If you can answer the first part(every body has a different idea of how many flaws is acceptable) and you answered yes to the second question then thats the person for you at this point in time, maybe not forever but for the present. I just want him to realize that im not settlin like he thinks because i actually love and care for him and despite his flaws i love him. He wants me to marry him, he says. And im a lil too young for that. i dont wanna lead him on. So i told him im not sayin you will not be the person im with forever, we'll have to see what fate has in store. But if i do find someone else i like more i will be with them, if we part before we get married. But if im not with anyone else or i never leave, then yes i would love to marry him. But right now thats too far ahead to even think about. truthfully i wanna have some fun in my life first and see if i could possibly love anyone else first and if the answer is no then ill pick him. But that is only on the condition that he comes to visit me and we get to interact with each other. I dont wanna get married and i havent even spent any time with him to see how he is in person. Seriously. I just wanna enjoy the present thats enough to worry about and stress about without adding the future. Lets just enjoy it while it lasts however long that is. hopefully forever, if its gods will. I really do love him and i wish he would stop thinkin so badly of himself when it comes to me and realize that stuff like that doesnt matter. I love him for him. He aint perfect but i still got love for him regardless because he just has my heart. What can i say?

Yeah though thats my piece on that. In other news im really excited about today despite some haters...I really want obama to win because its an historic election and i believe he can do great things because he is a great man that gives me the chills when he speaks and he gives me inspiration to keep going and he gives me oh so much pride he is so unique so eloquent and so qualified, he is the epitome of our MLK, hes just that great. However, whatever happens tonight i just know that this is my history and no matter what anybody says that cant be taken away from me. And because of how far he has come, he will make it easier for another african american to run in the future. its historic regardless. But i really want him to win. I really dont know what will happen if that other one...(not to be mentioned here his name is too ugly to grace my blog LMAO) wins. I know i really wont go to school except to take my bio test. LOL I have high expectations and i hope they are met.

++TOdays NUmero DoS ISsuE: (10 more things about me; parts will be shorter due to the fact that i should be studying right now LOL)

1) I hate when people ask stupid questions:

I mean the answers are so obvious. Like is that your hair, uh...no its not but i bought it so that makes it mine. Or do you to go to Widener? (when they can see i have the shirt on, why else would i wear it? for fun?)

2) I hate when men put themselves down believing that they are not good enough for me: I mean if you were that bad i would have never picked you from the jump. I picked you because you stood out and i like you. Or you picked me. Now if i just happen to be smart, pretty and going somewhere in life and you choose to be complacent or dont want anything better how is that my fault? All i can do is lift you up and encourage you if you WANT to do BettER. However, you dont care how can i help you? (there are some exceptions and there are those out there who always get the short end of the straw so to speak, and nothin seems to go right in their lives so it forces them to stay where they are out of defeat and that causes pessimism. So for you i say, keep your head up brothers it cant get worse than it already is if you are at the bottom, it can only get better)

3) I dont like people who talk about things they dont know or assume that you always have to do things their way:

I mean if you dont know, save yourself the hurt and embarrassment and keep your mouth shut. Dont talk about what you dont know. it makes you look stupid and ignorant.

I mean im not you im unique so i have a different out look and i see things in a different light so im going to do things the way i think is best. Because thats all i know. How can i do better(or your way) without knowing there is another way?

4) I hate when life gets good and then all of the sudden everything comes crashing down on you:

I mean its like im loving life. Im loving the people around me and then out of nowhere something bad happens that makes me sad, mad, or just plain indifferent(meaning i isolate myself to defend my feelings in case you didnt know). Its the worst feeling.

5) I hate when people act like they arent irkin'when they are:

Its like they are totally oblivious to the fact that other people have to deal with their stupidity or juvenile behavior. Its crazy and it irks me so bad.

Now heres some loves (too much negativity hurts you LOL gotta have balance)

6) I love when a man tells me how he feels:

When he can say whats on his mind without hesitating for fear of what im thinking or not thinking because if hes real with himself, he can stand up for his emotions and reveal them. It gives me a deeper connection and something to reflect on when i cant talk to him (whether its good or bad). I love hearing things like that.

7) I love being able to have a day off:

You know, sometimes when you're in college it seems like the work never ends and you feel bogged down. (well at least if you are a nursing major).Im craving a break so bad. It would do my heart and my mind immense good.

8) I love chillin by myself:

Cause sometimes people irk me. its so refreshing to just be able to be immersed in your thoughts and dreams even. LOL and plus im an only child so im used to it i dont mind. i love having my space!!!

9) I love eating my mamas homecooked food:
She cooks some good stuff. Like sometimes ill be real greedy and eat whatever she made the first day. (LIke itll be all gone) LIke thats just how i am. im a glutton i cant help it. Its so refreshing to have the food she makes after being at school and having to eat the same thing all the time.

FREEZE! STOP LOL back to one last hate that just hit me!!

10) Why do people feel the need to tell the whole world (not really but you know what i mean) all their business?:

I mean for real why you think i wanna know that you just took a leak? i mean for real thats ridiculous. People are crazy!!



*Bonus: I hate mufuckin Mccain and stupid PALIN no more words needed
*Bonus: I hate when people only care about themselves and act stupid..basically i hate selfish self-centered people. PS: Oh yeah i hate weird people too. LOL

VOTE ITS IMPERATIVE!!!!

People if you havent voted at any other time, now is the time to get out and VOTE!!! iF you want more of the last 8 years, then dont. BUT if you want change and more opportunities, then by all means, PLease VOTE>>> We need change in America so please make your voice heard. IN every election every vote counts but every vote counts even more this year!!! We will have our first ever black president which is historic and very powerful and inspirational. If you want change if you want hope, if you want things to get better VOTE FOR OBAMA on nOV 4th!!! Whatever you do, dont forget write it on your calendar!! This is a crucial and exciting time in history and possibly one of the most memorable elections ever, so please do your part!!! VOTE!!!

i have a lot to say/ who is ASJ

♦==♦TODays numero uno issue: I have a lot to say
Okay is it just me or does it seem like when you work hard for something or (try too hard is a better way to put it), you just dont get it. ANd when you dont try or fall back a little bit, you get it. Thats crazy. But yeah let me explain. I mean like when i really like a dude, ill call him, ill want to see him. ill write poetry about him ill bless him with the privilege of being mentioned in my memoirs (aka the diary for the people who dont know LMAO...i know its kinda juvenile but thats how i vent the more personal stuff that i dont tell erbody and their mamas brother LOL(i made that up myself)). Anyway as i was saying, ill ask him questions and try to get into his head. Ill wanna have long drawn out conversations that have no end in sight. LOL ill just want him basically. and sometimes i try too hard i guess. I dont let it go with the flow and happen naturally.
Now when i dont try that much and i fall back, dudes respond to that. THey call me and wanna see me and wanna get all in my head. maybe even bless me with the privilege of writing a poem or a rap about me. THey will wanna have long drawn out conversations with no end in sight. I mean its the exact opposite. I guess it is true that you have to let him miss you every once in a while. dont be so quick to answer when he calls, let it ring a bit...dont be so quick to call him, let him sweat a lil bit...you get my point. Which one is better? Being all on his jock or letting him chase me, so to speak? I dont know but ive done a lil of both in my day. It doesnt seem like either one of them is more effective than the other. I just wish i knew. But yeah. On to another thing thats been getting to me. Is it love when you think about that person constantly? You cant stop even when you try? You cry when you cant talk because it actually kills you inside. It hurts. You take things too seriously like if they dont call you for a few days you jump to ridiculous conclusions but then you realize that all your assumptions are stupid and empty. Is it love when you dream about them wake up thinking bout them? go to sleep thinkin about them? Is it love when you just simply go through your routine aimlessly and stay in your own world all day because your thoughts are consumed not entirely but almost completely with him and you cant wait til he calls and you can talk to him almost infinitely? I mean what is it that stops you in your tracks when you are doing something that takes the uttmost concentration? What else do you call that but love? I mean its ridiculous how much i care about you. You know who you are. you mean so much to me and i just dont know what i would do if you were not in my life. I mean you make me feel so good and you make me feel so many different things that i cant even explain. You are the best man i have ever known and you are nice, sweet, considerate, cute, caring, thoughtful, compassionate. And so much more. there are so many days, not unlike today that i just long for your touch, to see your smile, to feel your arms wrapped around me and never wanna let go. i long for your love. i long for you i want you so bad its crazy. i really do need you in my life believe it or not and i really think you are the one for me. I really wanna see you and hang out but i dont know when or if that will happen. I love you just the same whatever happens and i always will. I love you I love you I love you. I just cant say it enough.

♥+♥+♥+TODays numero dos issue: Who is ASJ (things that describe me: for those of you who dont know, you better ask somebody LOL )
** 1: I am Amber Sheree always and forever. Nobody can change that.

++2: i am crazy/silly however you wanna call it, thats who i am. I laugh at stupid things. I use silly phrases. I am just a jolly pretty much goofy person.

^^3: i am very shy. At times i may try to hide it but sometimes it gets the best of me. I am especially shy when i dont know you cause i dont trust everybody.

==4:I am very quiet. I dont like loud people like that. I mean sometimes i am loud but mostly im quiet and thats how you know im in deep thought or im just not feeling very sociable.

--5: Im every emotional. Things get to me. even though i try not to let that happen. Im too sensitive. But recently i have been workin on that, im tryin to grow a thicker skin as they say. i mean cause people are gonna say things that hurt or that you dont like so you have to live and learn to let it go over your head cause it aint worth startin no drama.

]}6: Im so honest. If i dont like something, it might take me a while to tell you but i will. Sometimes if it irks me bad enough ill tell you right then and there. But for the most part i have recently learned to say what i think and im learning not to care what others think because all that matters is that i have beliefs and that im strong enough to stick with them.

++7: i hate when people use profanity incessantly. It irks me because its like they have such a limited vocabulary that they cant think of anything else to say. it also shows their ignorance and their disrespect for the people around them, especially elders. I mean at times you get mad and you have to curse or certain occasions just call for it. i can understand that. but not like every minute of every day. thats just ridiculous.

''8: i dont like vegetables that much. I try to eat them occasionally. only when my mama complains....LOL im just a junk food person i guess.

.> 9: Piggybacking off the last one, I loveeeee junk food. Its ridiculous how much i pig out. I love sweets especially chocolate. I love candy. I love juice. I love oodles. I just love good food that aint good for you basically. If you got good food thats where im at. (emphasis is on good food, im not staying anywhere wheres theres nasty food; that dont work for me... LOL)

=10: I love writing as you can tell and you probably already know that if you know me. its an escape from this crazy unpredictable thing called life.I could write for days. You probably couldnt read it all but hey i guess im just very long-winded. I love to write poetry and stories mainly but i write about what happens in my life too ( mainly in blogs and on my diary). But when it comes to writing a paper for class, unless its interesting i procrastinate to the nth degree. LOL I just cant bring myself to get motivated to write if im not feelin it.

))11: Okay now here it is. As crazy as it may sound....i love school. Well for the most part. ANd heres why. College has taught me alot about myself, other people and the world we live in. It has also made me grow up and become more independent. It has also made me a better person. But it has also made me hate studying and doing work. I think i learn the most from the experience, not doing the work thats why i say that. I mean yes i do learn alot from doing the work but what im sayin is that doing that work doesnt teach me the life lessons that living here on campus does. They are two completely different things: living here and going to school here.

>>12: Im an only child. well if you know me you know that. But yeah in some ways that has hurt me . But in other ways it has helped. For example i didnt have anyone else to interact or grow up with so of course naturally i learned to entertain myself and be okay with being alone alot, ( negative)(thats why im probably shy and to myself so much today). and for instance, it has helped because it made me rely on myself and i had a closer relationship and more love and attention from my parents and family because it was just me. ( positive) but yeah somedays i love it and other days i dont because since its just me there is more focus on me so that is not always a good thing.

$$13: I love music. ANyone who has known me for any length of time knows that. It is my escape. It keeps me sane. in fact im listening to it right now on my ipod (which stays attached to me; listenin to usher: whats your name if anybody wanted to know ....LMAO). I love to hear the new stuff first. But the old stuff is cool too. Because oldies are the ones that are classics. They are timeless. and some newbies are already classics to me. I just love it. it makes me happy when im sad. its there when noone else is or wants to listen to me vent. Its there always. its makes me dance, it makes me feel good. it makes me feel sexy. it expresses the words and thoughts i sometimes cant. It is what it is. what more can i say?

>>14: I love money. i mean who doesnt? i wish i had some when i dont. i love when i have it so i try to save it. I know ill make it when i finally graduate in about two years.LOL i mean it gives you the essentials and some things that you dont even need. i mean it cant buy everything, (like intangible things like love) but it helps. especially in this economy.

~~15: i love to think. it is yet another escape for me it keeps me sane. sometimes it makes me insane. i can think what i want without no regrets or criticisms. i can say what i cant say out loud. i can envision things, people and places. i can be happy. i can be sad. i can be mad. i can express thoughts or keep them to myself. (more often than not i say what i think). I can go into my own lil world when noone else seems to care. I can just be at peace.

^/16: More importantly i love to talk and express my thoughts. sometimes i talk too much sometimes not enough. Sometimes i talk when i shouldnt and vice versa. Sometimes i talk to who i love. sometimes i dont. I love to conversate though especially if you are willing to listen. thats the key. i hate talkin when people arent even listening to what im saying that irks my soul.

<>17: I love to sing. in the shower. walking along the street. laying on my bed wherever. i think im good. some people may think otherwise but who cares. sometimes a song is that good that it compels you to do so.

=-=18: i love to smile. because i have a pretty one. if you can make me do that you are cool with me. point blank. well that is if you make me smile for the right reasons. and if you are on my level. LOL

*-+19: i love to laugh. if you got a good joke feel free to tell me. i love laughing. it something about it thats so refreshing and its good for your soul.

&^+20: I love to read. you can learn so much just by doing so. you can also gain insight into other cultures and worlds. and you can also be entertained and helped. thats what i love about books. there are so many kinds and they all serve a purpose. i dont like all of them but hey they were written for a reason and theres bound to be one person that will read it right?

**+21: I like shopping. well when i can buy something i like that is. theres no point in shopping if you cant buy it. thats like showin a kid candy and sayin that they cant have it.

*)=22: i love dancing it gets you moving. even when there is no music...you can make your own. you can express yourself without limitations. you can dance slow you can dance fast. you can dance with some rhythm or without it ( LOL for real some people do this on the daily). But yeah its a good thing.

$=23: i love sleeping. i mean thats the best thing to be able to sleep late. it feels so good and so refreshing. (well most of the time LOL) i hate when i have to miss out on sleep. i hate getting up whether i get enough sleep or not. im a night person so thats why i hate mornings. mornings and me dont get along. LOL for real.

*))24: im a neat freak everything has its place. if its not there i get heated. im just very organized and that has alot to do with me being a virgo. (Sep 20 for those of you who dont know) i am a perfectionist and very analytical. i over think everything. and i overorganize everything. dont get me wrong it can be a good thing, but it can also work against me.

!! 25: I love learning new things. i mean the more i know i can become a better person. i can adapt and regroup. so if i dont know something that i should and you know it, please feel free to enlighten me but dont over do it....i hate that. everyday i learn things i never knew and its great. its true what they say, you are never too old to learn and learning doesnt stop when you graduate school or leave the classroom. and you dont even need a book, a classroom or school to learn some of the most important things. school cant teach you everything. somethings you have to learn on your own. life is the best teacher.

_+_26: I hate when people expect me to know things and they dont say it. i mean im not a mind reader. come on. you gotta help me out.

$~$ 27: i hate when people lie. i mean if you have something to say say it. i might not like it but ill respect you for it .

^>28: i hate when people act fake, like i said its not a becoming trait. just be yourself and if you like me you like me if you dont, its not the end of the world, no sweat off my back. save me the waste of time and nrg and let me know what the situation is.

$)29: i hate two faced people which is basically the same thing as the last one but basically dont act like you like me one day and then turn around and hate on me the next. be consistent. if you hate me do that if you like me okay. just do what it is you do.

^<>30: i hate when people act like im supposed to be just like them or like everything they like. i mean im me and we werent destined tobe the same when god made us. thats just how it is. and its also because im a product of my environment. i cant help that. and im definitely not gon force myself to conform to your narrow or naive mindset. it is what it is.

__+_31: i hate when people use me. i mean i know i have alot to offer but at least express that and respect me enough not to take advantage of that. because you are just making it worse for the next person. i mean really.

**^32: i hate when people try to change me. now i know this is similar to a previous one but i was saying something a lil bit different in that one. what im saying in this one is that i hate when people cant accept me for who i am so they try to change me to fit their needs instead of growing and adapting to be friends with me. i dont like that at all.

**33: i hate people who are disrespectful in general. i mean it just irks my soul. its just stupid. to get respect you gotta give it and if you arent how can you respect it in return? thats just common sense. treat others how you want to be treated.

>>34: i hate when i look nice and dudes try to talk to me. but when i look a mess ( not like totally tore up but you know what i mean LMAO) i dont get any play. thats just stupid. im the same person and if you dont like me now just because of that, then thats petty. i dont get it but i guess thats just the dudes i been dealing with (NOT ALL OF THEM), but most of them) that are superficial like that. I also hate that some dudes want you to look like a model all the time and they expect you to be all pretty but sweetie, some of us dont have an income like that, we're broke college students. i mean for real what do you expect? for real.....if you cant take me as i am then kick rocks!!!

*^*35: i hate that people dont get me. but then again i guess they are just not on my level and there are only a select few that do and those are the people worth keeping around...

^*^36: im a very independent person with few friends and numerous acquaintances. i mean guess life experience has made things turn out that way. cause everyone doesnt have the best intentions and they arent to be trusted. (you dont know who you can trust in this life)so therefore, i have way more acquaintances than friends. there are only a select few that i call my friends. because they are there for me. they remember my bday. they remember me. they acknowledge my presence. they care about how im doing. and i appreciate it very much. i try to do the same for them because i appreciate it. acquaintances are just there to hang out when noone else is...occasional study partner....or just to say hi and bye to....nothing too deep dont know much about them...just see them when you do...you know what i mean?
note: i cant think of any more things i hate so back to the loves/likes

==37: i love to waste time. i mean who doesnt? i should be doing something right now but im not. its so much better than doing what you should be doing but sometimes that gets you in trouble. especially since im in college procrastinating can make or break you. LOL really.

**38: I love my family. they are always there for me. they support me they love me back. they care when noone else does. they remember me. they acknowledge me always. there are some members who are not here anymore but they will never be forgotten. i love all of them...no matter how they act/acted. they keep me going. they are who i count on. and hopefully i do the same for them.

$}39: im stubborn and i know it. i just dont budge. it takes a lot for me to admit im wrong so you know you are lucky or blessed when that happens.

^^40: im somewhat religious. i pray and i read the good book (the bible for those of you who dont know). it keeps me sane. it gives me strength. it gives me peace, faith, courage and so much more. my faith does all these things. i believe that god is real that he does things for a reason and there is always a lesson to be learned. if you learn god will reward you for it. if you dont learn, god will put you through things until you learn from your mistakes and repent. i havent always relied on my faith this much. but it seems like since i started school i have because school is no joke and you need god to get you through the tough times and the good times and thats what he has done. i love him. he does what humans cant understand. he does great things and when noone else understands or cares i know he is there for me. friends like my homie d have inspired my faith as well.

**41: i believe that everything happens for a reason. things happen so that you can learn from them and avoid that situation or better yourself. you should never be complacent you should always grow. so dont fall for the same lie twice. be vigilant and cognizant of everything. realize whats goin on and observe your surroundings.

+{}42: i believe in love and that i have a soulmate out there somewhere but then again i dont know. i mean i never had a real Real love. i had what i thought was love. i had love but i mean i never had that person who would do whatever, whenever, however, you know that person who is just down for you and will sacrifice to help you, to be with you, because they love you. that long term still love each other maybe even grew up together been through so much crap and good things together, that person thats your best friend and your man and your lover, your protector, your everything. I have love in my life right now no doubt but will he do all these things? im not sure yet. hes pretty close to this description but i dont know. would he do all this and more? maybe i should ask and find out. the point is i believe but i dont know if i should. i dont know if im fooling myself or if im right.

[]43: i just love life. i love the ups and downs despite the turmoil and negative emotions. i love what it offers what i have learned. i love who i have met. what i have seen. what i have heard for the most part. i love it all. its good. and i thank god for all that he has blessed me with.

&&44: i love being happy. thats why i hate when im anything but happy. it irks me when i cant be happy. my problem or the source of my problem is that i look outward for happiness when it really comes from within primarily. you have to have a positive outlook and be optimistic you have to love yourself and be happy with who you are first, if you are not then you have some work to do, to make adjustments and cultivate a better you. you have to do that first and then and only then will you be truly happy.

^^45: sometimes i just wanna get away. i wanna go far away. with that one i love or just by myself. i wanna travel. see the world. go to a place thats not so familiar. i wanna try different things. i wanna grow. i wanna evolve. become better. i just wanna do so much. its hard to say all of it. like i really wanna go down south and see how it is. it seems like a fl y place to be. everybody down there seems like mad cool. mad fun. they have a different outlook and sometimes you need that cause your outlook might be a lil stale. you know? also i wanna go to cali. it seems really nice there. it seems cool as well but not a good place to live...too many earthquakes for me. LOL uh uh i like consistently level ground.i wanna go to france i mean i might as well get my moneys worth out of french i mean i did take two semesters of it. LOL i wanna go to italy it seem so romantic places like that always do.

--46: i wanna meet someone famous. i just hope they are who i thought they were i hate that. dont have this fake persona (that i may like despite the fact its fake) and then when i meet you you are totally dull or boring. LOL i hope any celebrity i meet is real. I would really like to meet someone like chris brown he is so sexy!! LOL or somebody like taye diggs.. he is just the epitome of chocolate and so is morris chestnut...let me stop.. LOL but yeah one of those types. thats who i wanna meet. i admire their work among many others whom if i listed all those names this entry would never end.. LOL

==47: i wanna be free. i wanna dance and act crazy. i wanna party hard. i wanna get my dL (i mean i should have been had it but i have been using so many excuses to avoid it....i mean thats like the key to real freedom LOL), i wanna have my own place, my own car, i cant wait to get my degree. i wanna do me. i wanna have a man who i marry one day a man who i love. i wanna have some munchkins maybe 2 or 3 to leave as my legacy LOL. i wanna just have a wonderful life. it doesnt have to be all fancy and glamorous but i do want a few sparkles in it. LOL

""48: i love watching tv. but it can be the college students down fall. they have some good stuff on tv. i mean give me a tv with at least directtv and ill be good all day. LOL i love tv...

++49: i love being on my laptop which is yet another downfall for us college students.(im on it right now as i type this.>> LOL) but i mean what would i do without that and my ipod which im also listening to right now....i mean they keep me sane.... LOL what can i say? it is what it is...

--50: Finally i know yall like damn this is alot but there might be a part two (with another 50 things on it...i think i like doing this i might start doing this on the regular) I love movies. comedies, romance, scary movies (which i might watch even though im not the biggest fan of halloween i mean after all it is the red mans bday>> LOL), i like action movies too. and movies that have alil bit of everything. they complete life dont you think? they give you hope that things like that can or maybe may never happen (depending on the situation) in your lifetime.

Anyway thanks yall for reading and bearing with me.. feel free to add feedback.....like i said i might do this again soon it might be more about me or about other stuff thats random. you never know so wait and see.